A while ago I wrote an article about what I went through. I am one of the MANY people in this world that have experience domestic violence. And I shared my story with the hope that maybe it would help someone overcome their own situation. And I really do hope it did do that, or at least made people more aware that it is something people need to be watching out for. Because it could happen to anyone. And just because it it no longer Domestic Violence Awareness month does not mean we should just be putting DVA to the wayside.

Now, I shared my story and some of the warning signs that people should watch out for in these experiences. But what most people won't tell you is everything that changes in the way you think and feel after you go through something like that. And everyone will probably have different outcomes after, but this is what it is like after the fact for me...

There is constant wondering what you ever did to deserve something like that. And I am always blaming myself. That I did something wrong, that it was me. That I was the reason he was like that. I should have done something better. I should have been better.

Which to always wondering if you are ever "good enough"... You wonder if you are worth it. And because you already think you aren't, you wonder why you weren't worth it.

You start to question all of your relationships. And I mean all of them. Family, friends, everyone. You think that if someone you were so sure that you loved, and supposedly loved you back, could do this to you what would stop anyone else from doing this; especially someone that doesn't love you.

All of this causes you to be me more cautious then ever. You are cautious about trusting anyone because they could just hurt you. You are cautious about making anyone upset because you have no idea how they could react. Even people you have known for years, you start to shell up around because you are just questioning whether or not they really love you.

It's hard to talk to anyone about it. Because even if they know the general situation, they will never know or understand the pain you felt; . And the pain you still feel. Even if there is only minimal physical evidence left on the body, there are many emotional scars still tormenting the mind. And even if you could talk about it, you would probably end up in tears. You don't think anyone deserves to deal with that. After all, it's your problem.

Any form of playful fighting or roughness makes you flinch a little. Whether it's just someone messing around or in the middle of an intimate encounter. It makes you flash back instantly.

Whenever someone does get upset with you, you feel like absolute crap. You feel like you are just a terrible person because you are trying so hard to make everyone happy. You don't want anyone to feel even a sliver of how you felt.

If you do allow yourself to try to be with someone again, most likely it's gonna be the hardest thing you have ever done. And there is a huge possibly that you could get hurt. That first time you get hurt after, it's gonna cut. It's a whole new kind of hurt than what you thought hurting was. You go back to questioning your worth once again, and if anyone could ever really love you.

You don't trust anyone to be there for you because they just might leave, or worse.

But there are some positives. You got through it, and you realized that you are strong because you got out. You fight every single day to be that strong person you know you are. And you push yourself.

You start to put quality people in your life. Because you know only people that could be there for you on days when you are not strong, are people that can be around when you are. They are the people willing to fight for your trust because they are the few who know what you REALLY went through.

And you do things for YOURSELF, because that's all you think you have. But it makes you able to depend on yourself. And it makes you stronger. You are building yourself back, and no one can stop you.

This is just some of the many thoughts of being a survivor of something like this. If I wrote every thought I had against myself I could fill a book. But this is why it is important that we recognize these things. We need to be there for people. It will not be the easiest thing to be there for someone who is struggling so much, but they need it. And that person, will see you being there, and then they will always recognize you as a helping hand. They will always be there for you because whether they let you, you helped make them stronger. We need to help people walk away from these situations, and we need to help them when they are dealing with the painful memories of it. We are all stronger together. And it's time to show people that love shouldn't hurt.