If you know someone, or think you know someone, that has been a victim of domestic violence I highly suggest you continue reading. If you don’t know anyone, I still suggest you read just so you know what to look out for in case you or your friends become victim.
During an abusive relationship it can be so very hard to talk about it, and hard to tell. And almost everyone has a different take on the situation. But this is how it felt to one person...
She never wanted to go home, in fact, she was scared too. She didn’t want to be alone with him. Everything that she did, she felt that it was wrong. That buying the wrong thing would get her in trouble. “You didn’t want to make him angry.” Bad things would happen then. He would tell you how worthless you were, how you were nothing, how he could have anyone else. Making every excuse to get home later, or to have someone around because then he was nicer. When he drank, it was even worse. He would throw things, slam doors, pull her hair, and bite her because he knew she absolutely hated it. Her mindset was that it was gonna be OK, but really he would just scream until she gave into his beliefs.
She would be even more scared, and she was afraid to say no to anything he asked because it would just make him angrier… she just wanted to sleep and for it to end. Cops were called and she could never speak up to them; he had stolen her voice. He would tell her the next day how sorry he was how it would be different, and how he didn’t mean it. She could only believe that for so long, especially with the more makeup she had to wear to cover up the bruises. She would look to call anyone just to talk to someone who didn’t make her feel terrible about herself. She was scared he would catch her on the phone because he always thought she was telling the worst of him. When really she just wanted to talk…
It was the scariest moment in the world to realize she wanted to leave. But she didn’t have a choice. She didn’t have anyone to talk to, and she didn’t have anywhere to go. At least that’s what she thought. All the friends “they” had were his friends. All her family felt a million miles away. She cried on the phone to them about her fights, but she said it would be OK and that they would work it out. She thought she loved him. Now, she believes she was just scared. Always scared.
Eventually, she hit some right timing. On the phone with her sister during one of his drunk nights; one where he was saying things you would never want to hear from anyone. He then took her phone and started yelling at her sister. She knew that it wasn’t OK, not one bit. She started packing and he was yelling and screaming at her even more. It got to the point where she locked herself in the bathroom. He left, driving drunk. She called her dad and told him she needed to come home, and that it wasn’t safe for her. She had to be strong.
Then she got a phone call after she decided to sleep and finished packing, it was too late for her to be driving 12 hours. The phone call said that he was in an accident, he had hit a tree, and if she didn’t go get him, he would have been taken to jail. She should have let him go. She should have ended it there, but she still had a heart for him and went to get him. She brought him, and he continued to yell at her and tell her how it was all her fault for making him so angry he had to leave. Finally, mid-yelling, he passed out in his drunken state. She continued to fall asleep but woke up early to pack up her car.
Hoping he would just stay asleep. Of course, he didn’t, and he begged her to stay. He needed her. But she couldn’t stay there. She hurt everyday and it was because of the way he treated her. So she continued to pack her car as he cried, and eventually had a friend pick him up. She left.
Not everyone can be so strong to leave a situation. Some people are stuck in the cycle of the fact that they love them, and it will change. But usually it won’t. If someone seems scared to go home, or they get scared of making someone angry; if they seem like they are hiding out from someone, that is when it is time to worry. Not when they are calling telling you they need to get out of there. If you know someone with a similar story, or you are someone with a similar situation; reach out. Show them the good and show them all the love you can. It might not be the easiest, but they will remember you for being there, and when they can they will tell you how much it means to them. Domestic violence is something very real, and happens more often than we would like it too. Physical violence, verbal violence, emotional violence; it is all domestic violence. Look out for the warning signs, and just be there. If you don’t feel comfortable stepping in, call someone who will. If you're not sure if it is abuse please, check out this website to help you figure out what you need to do.
This girl is now doing well for herself, and she is grateful for everyone that has tried to be there for her. Yet, she won’t trust you, and she probably won’t for a long time. Every touch to her feels wrong. And she flinches every time someone slams a door. She has scars, not just physical but emotional. And every word he every said to her still radiates in her head telling her that she’s not good enough. Every day is still a fight against what he did to her, even if she seems OK. This girl will love again, one day. She knows there are good people in the world still. When she does love, it will be with care and consideration. It will take time and patience for her, and those around her. For now, she will fight to keep her head up and do what she needs to. She wants to feel good enough, not just for another person, but for herself. And she needed to speak up. I needed to speak up. Because if not, I would always be her.
