Where are people I know?
Where are people who can translate football into English for me?
Why are there so many people?
Why are bleachers so uncomfortable?
Why has everyone just accepted that they’re sitting on metal slabs?
Where do you get those little cushion seats that clip onto the bleachers?
Is that a good investment for me: someone who’s been to of two football games total?
Where’s the band?
Is that the alma mater they’re playing?
Or, wait, is this the alma mater?
Why have I only heard the alma mater twice in two years?
How long is a football game?
Why are football games so long on tv though?
Whoa, where did the cheerleaders pop out from?
Are there rules about when cheerleaders can cheer?
How is it possible that I don’t recognize anyone on the field?
Why did that referee stop the game?
What’s holding?
Are you not allowed to hold the ball?
When’s halftime?
Who’s winning?
What end of the field—
Okay, what ~end zone~ is our team trying to get to?
Do all these people watching actually know what’s happening?
Is there a very-easy, no-stress associate’s degree I can earn to understand what’s going on?
Where’s the scoreboard?
What do all the numbers mean?
Where’s someone who can interpret the scoreboard?
Where does one procure nachos and/or an ICEE?
Why does watching people do athletic things make me so hungry?
Is it normal for the other team to have no cheerleaders and not many spectators?
Is it bad that I want to go sit on their side as an encouragement?
Would I get kicked out for that?
Maybe it’s worth it?
How is it just now halftime?
Wow, she’s in color guard?
How did I not know that?
Am I a bad friend?
Do stadiums have bathrooms?
Or are those for the weak and non-athletic?
How can you play an instrument and move in formations like that?
How do you play an instrument at all?
How has technology come so far, and yet there’s still room to beautify and innovate those black overalls the band wears?
Do you think everyone’s butt is hurting as much as mine is now?
Or am I just weak and bad at watching sports?
Is that rain?
Why?
Are games cancelled for rain?
Are we going to take a rain check on this sporting event?
Nobody’s going anywhere?
Are all these people just way more hardcore than me?
How do the football players play in the rain?
How is that safe?
How does the insurance for a football team work?
Or do football players sign a waiver?
So the cheerleaders still cheer in the rain too?
How is their makeup not dripping off their faces?
Where do you even buy that kind of full coverage foundation?
Is there eyeliner made of tar?
Who’s winning now?
What just happened?
Is it good for us?
How many more minutes are left?
Do games always get this intense at the end?
How can anything happen in less than a minute?
Did we win?!
