Hey. I know it has been a long time since we last spoke. Lately, Iv’e been thinking about the past and how great of friends we once were. And I know you most likely don’t care but a part of me wishes you still did. I find myself questioning what life would still be like if we were still friends.

I want to start off by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry I decided to go away to school. I’m sorry I left you behind. I’m sorry I didn’t include you in my future. You wanted to be here and I wanted to be there. And I know we were frustrated with each other. But it breaks my heart to see how distant we have become.

Looking back, some of my greatest memories were shared with you. Just about every day, Timehop or “on this day,” constantly brings me back to simpler times. It displays the millions of memories and pictures we shared together. Even those embarrassing snipes we got of one another. Sometimes, when I see too many I get flooded with emotion. And I wonder if you ever feel the same? Some days I want to pickup the phone and tell you how much I miss you. But I’m too afraid that the response wouldn’t be mutual. And I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you were only temporary, that you weren’t here to stay. Never did I think that life would pan out this way. When people ask about you, I typically shut down. I don’t have a response. I don’t want to tell them that we aren’t friends. And when I see your family, it feels like an elephant in the room. Do I ask how you are? Do I not say anything at all? At one point, your family was my family. We lived at each others houses and spent countless days together.

We were different but similar. You had your hobbies and I had mine. We had different thoughts and opinions on certain things but that’s what made us ‘us.’ You were the person I told everything too. You knew me better than I knew myself. I miss our awkward selfies. I miss our stupid inside jokes. I miss traveling with you. I miss watching countless hours of The Hills together. I miss having someone to binge eat Dunkin' Donuts with. I miss dragging you along to all my lame family events. I miss always having some around.

Even thought we are no longer friends, life kept going. We found new jobs, new schools, new friends and a new lifestyle. I still see your pictures and posts on social media. I really hope you are doing well. I hope life is treating you well. I pray that your new friends appreciate you just as much as I did. And I hope they know how lucky they are to be calling you their best friend. I hope that guy that broke your heart understands what he has lost. You have so much too offer in this life. You have such a big heart. After all this time, I still think you are an incredible person.

And if you picked up the phone today and contacted me, I wouldn’t think twice about it. If you ever showed up to my front door, I would let you in. Through thick and thin, I would never give up on you.

I will always love you to the moon and back,

Your ex best friend