Depression: a nasty little word. It's loaded with hurt and tears and a screaming silence. Like what I did there? Screaming silence: it's an oxymoron; my English teachers would be so proud.
You see, not everyone who is depressed shows it. It's not as cliché as wearing all black and drawing skulls on our Converse - those people might be just fine.
The face of depression can come as a wolf in sheep's clothing. It can be the star athlete of your school, the prom queen, your best friend, or just another face in the halls. The truth is, we are all battling something in our lives, and there is always someone who has it worse.
Depression is feeling alone even when surrounded by people, it's feeling more alone when surrounded by friends. It's that feeling of self-doubt, that feeling of helplessness, like being pulled underwater by an undertow and fighting to break the surface again.
For some, this is an everyday struggle. For others, it comes and goes. Finding help seems easy, I mean, "It's just happy pills or seeing a shrink, right?" But, nothing is easy for the person who hides their pain with a smile and their tears with the night sky.
You don't see that. Do you? You don't see them crying themselves to sleep or the scars on their wrists. You don't see the hurt in their eyes or the pain bubbling under the surface.
You see that façade of the perfect student, D1 athlete, your funny friend, or another pretty face. You might not notice your best friend is hiding such a dark secret and that they feel like they are drowning in a sea of nothingness. You don’t know.
When you ask them "What's up?" and they reply "Not much," or that they’re "Fine," you can’t see their constant struggles.They have an image to keep, a ‘fake it til you make it’ personality and a strength that is truly remarkable.
They bottle in their emotions so as to not hurt those around them, but they are desperately crying for help. You don’t know what’s really happening when they text you a quick "Goodnight " or don’t reply at all.
They're strong but they're breaking, and if you were to look at them at their worst, you would know that people are more than they seem. They are more than you will ever begin to know, but you see only what they want you to. You see the mask of the thing they so badly want to be: happy.
If you are battling depression, please know that you are not alone. You don’t have to do it alone either. I know you’re strong but ask for help. And PLEASE remember that suicide is never the answer.
If you are thinking about suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 800 273 8255.
