I have struggled with weight most of my adult life. I’ve gone up and down. I know what 130 pounds looks like on my adult body. I also know what 256 pounds looks on my body. For approximately twenty years, I have been consumed with the idea of weight-loss and having a sexy body.

Let’s face it: life is a lot harder when you’re a fluffy bunny. You can’t keep up with your friends. You wind up being a fan of all those super cool sports instead of a participator. All those sexy outfits, forget about it. Unless you’re as rich as Rebel Wilson, you probably can’t afford her looks, so it’s dresses shaped like muumuus or pants with loose tops.

Not to mention, there are all these diet plans that have you constantly thinking about food, are too expensive, extremely time consuming and make me feel insanely weak. Diet plans can utterly destroy your weight-loss

Then there’s the 'I’m not good enough' depression of being fat. That destructive feeling of unworthiness that sends you on to a further self-destructive path of self-loathing and self-sabotage.

So we give up, right? No! We don’t. If there is one thing, I’ve learned from all this weight-losing bull crap it is to keep motivated.

The statement I despise most is “I’m too old and set in my ways to change.” I hate this statement. This statement tells the world you’ve given up and you’re not worthy of anything good

Stop the madness! You are worthy. Depression is a symptom of obesity, but it does not have to be your life.

I want to build a new statement that I hope goes just as viral in place of that self-destructive love your body as it is crap. Love yourself regardless of how your body looks. It is you that needs self-love, not your body. Medically your body needs mending.

most people who are obese are depressed. Address that depression. Help yourself.

You can see a shrink or build your support structure from loving, supporting friends and family. My husband, sister, and mother can have the same effect on me as a professional counselor. Even better I like them, and they’re free. If you have serious problems though, I would suggest you seek professional help.

Each person is different and has a different support system. Sit down with people you trust (not that wish washy friend who will probably spill your secrets to the world) and talk. Talk therapy is great when it is reciprocal. Having a sounding board is wonderful. Sometimes it’s wonderful just to have someone sit and listen.

If you don’t have someone, you feel you can trust, or you want to keep your struggles private, see a psychiatrist or counselor. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Address and act upon what causes your depression. What started it for me was being raped. I didn’t want to be a victim, so I made myself not cry. I forced myself to carry on without showing how much pain I was in because of the deep betrayal I felt from people who I thought were friends and said I deserved it. My father kicking me out of the house when I felt I most needed my family. The betrayal I felt from a court system that let a lawyer ask me in front of a grand jury, “If you were a virgin, why didn’t you bleed like a stuck pig?” I internalized my anxiety and depression into a food obsession.

The cause of our inner turmoil is as unique as snowflakes. It could be child abuse, being bullied, shyness, a feeling of unworthiness, a desperate desire for love where food is the replacement. Dig deep and find out what drives your negative feelings and address them, get help, create your change. Don’t leave yourself in a living Hell. You don’t deserve that.

I’m sick of diets. They don’t work. Make your next step to try to keep up with your friends. Go out more. Be active with your most active friends who do something you’ve either openly or secretively longed to do.

Do your friends go clubbing but you feel too tired? Get dressed to the nines in that sexy outfit you went to ten different plus size stores to find and go clubbing. Maybe you last an hour, maybe all night but each tiny step is one more step towards loving your life and yourself.

I never thought of myself as an athlete. I danced as a child and even took some ballroom briefly in my twenties but anything else, I hated. That was before I found roller derby at thirty-nine years old. Suddenly, the world of sports was amazing. I had lost 70 pounds on Weight Watchers and was looking for a way over my plateau. I thought roller derby was the answer, but I didn’t even lose my fresh meat twenty. Is that a bad thing? No, my body became healthier, and fat and muscles started shifting into places I am pretty sure they were supposed to be. I looked great, not my weight. I was so enthralled with roller derby that cross training became addicting. I did HIIT, bicycling and running a Warrior Dash before getting hit by a car riding a bicycle. Now I want to learn to do yoga on a paddle board to lose the seventy-seven pounds I gained post-accident.

Yup, if it’s not a normal sport or exercise, I love it. What I took from my experience was not to do the exercises everyone says you should do. Don’t do boring if you’re not boring. Do a sport that makes you excited. You want to pick an exercise or sport that makes you want to do it so bad that you’re impatient to get through the day to start working out.

Being hit by a car hasn’t stopped me because I have a desire to do those exercises and sports I find exciting. I think my roller derby days are passed but my adventure racing days are about fifty or so pounds away. No, you don’t have to be the perfect weight to do what you want. You can do it while still working to achieve your goal.

Do you know what else having an exercise or sport you are passionate about does? It helps you make smarter diet choices. When you have a motivator, you think and act more towards meeting your related goal.

I have tried the Paleo diet, vegetarian diet, WeightWatchers, Atkins; you name it, I’ve probably tried it, except the Mediterranean. All these diets are great and bad. Why? Because they have you thinking about food all day. I hate counting and weighing and planning. It’s like the food consumes you instead of the other way around. Don’t get me wrong if you need structure it’s good for you to try a structured plan. I’m not that way.

You should pick healthy foods that work for you. Try all those diets. What made you feel good? What made you feel like crap? What left you satiated? What left you feeling starved to death, wanting to eat your fingernails and your pets? (I’m talking to you Weightwatchers.) Take notes, take them to a certified medical nutritionist, not your primary care provider, or that “nutritionist” at the gym, and discuss healthy food options based on your findings.

Next, go out and treat yourself. Take the day with your most fashion forward friends and buy that amazing outfit that makes you look like a million bucks then head to the spa. If that’s not your thing, buy that one special gift for each milestone you make. At ten pounds get yourself something small. At twenty-five pounds, something bigger. Let it become a better reward for each step up. Just don’t let that reward be food. Remember you’re breaking bad habits.

I met so many people who refused to bend from their diet saying that cheating would only throw them off course. Here’s the thing, cheating helps you stay on course. A stringent adherence to a diet is more likely to cause you to derail completely. So allow yourself to cheat but just once in a while. Then get back on track to healthy eating immediately after. It’ ok. Forgive yourself if you must or just accept that occasionally this will happen and move on.

Weight-loss is scary. It’s a lifestyle change and let’s face it; we like comfort, change is not comfortable. Don’t let that stop you. I’ve been up, down and back up, but it’s worth the struggle. I had an amazing life only seventy pounds down and not because I dieted. It was amazing because I was doing things I loved. I felt like the woman I never thought I could be.

You deserve to feel this way too. Yes, you do. Stop telling yourself you don’t deserve good things. Stop thinking you can’t be attractive, liked, athletic, motivated, or whatever it is you desire. You can. It’s hiding deep within you. You’re a full body of amazing unicorn glitter covered awesomeness. Now go live that healthier, fulfilling life you deserve and stop dieting.