I couldn't take it anymore. My insecurities were eating me alive. I felt distant from my friend group. I felt like I was failing school and would never make it to college. My unhealthy coping mechanisms were starting to control me.

I just felt not good enough.

My heart started to race and my breath was getting shallow. My body temperature felt like it had gone up a million degrees. Why was it getting so hot? I noticed that my hands were shaking so much I couldn't hold my pencil any longer. I got up out of my seat and raced out of my English classroom.

I walked into the counseling office, sat down onto my counselors chair, and lost it.

I vented every thought on my mind, none of them even relating to one another.

He said one thing that has resonated with me to this day.

“This does not define you.”

For a while I kept telling myself that, but I never fully understood what it meant. The phrase got me through high school realizing that nothing I did in high school shaped what and who I would be in college. High school did not define my college experience, but since starting college I’ve lost myself a few times.

I’m finally reminding myself that not only is it okay to not be okay, it’s okay not to have everything figured out. These experiences do not define me.

The picture that somebody paints of you in their head is not who you are. You are not defined by the words that come out of someone’s mouth; the adjectives that they put before your name in a sentence, or the verb that they use to depict the actions you carry out day by day. You are not defined by the tone in their voice or the way that the corners of their lips turn when they mouth your name. The manner that people address you in or the way that they cease to acknowledge your essence, says something about them, not you.

You are not defined by the mistakes you make, or the words you say.

If you fail a class, you are not a dumb person.

If you gain weight, you are not fat.

If you cry, you are not weak.

If you are excluded, you are not unloved.

If you mess up, you are not a failure.

You are a novel. You have a story with depth and with chapters. No summary of you will allow a reader to experience the connections and emotions that you are.

If you have one bad day, that does not define you. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. 60 bad seconds does not put the other 86,340 to waste. 60 bad seconds does not determine how the other 86,340 seconds will go. 60 bad seconds does not define your entire day. Similarly, one action does not define you as a person or your life.

I will admit, I struggle with indecisiveness. Insecurity controls me sometimes. It controls my decisions. I look to people for assurance and to make decisions for me because I’m unsure of myself and who I am.

But by letting people make decisions for you all the time, you are letting them define you. You are letting them put their own words and labels on you. You are a catalyst for their judgment.

This is your life and you get to choose how you want to live it. The only opinion that matters is the opinion you have of yourself. You are not tied to the chains of someone else's words. The flaws that you have are not your mold.

There is no dictionary or encyclopedia in the world that can put a label to you. That can tell you what a strong person you are inside out. That can explain the sparkle in your eye, the scars up and down your body, or the turbulence you have overcome.

You can only do so much at once and sometimes you just have to forgive yourself. No one is a perfect human.

Try a new perspective. Life is so much more than what you are living right now. Take a step back and look at the big picture. Remember that everything you are doing is getting you towards being a better you. You have a whole lifetime to be whoever you want to be.

So, to my high school counselor who taught me one of the most valuable lessons that I have ever learned, thank you. Thank you for all you have done to help me grow into who I am. Thank you for the tough love when I didn't want to hear it, the support when I needed it, and the comfort in knowing I always had a safe place to go to. Thank you for the phrase that has helped me find myself and that has gotten me to where I am today.

This does not define me.

I define myself.