She breaks up with you, and for a week, you're devastated. Within that week, your friends try to lift you up, and by week two, you've moved on, and you're suddenly dancing in the rain, happier than ever.
Well, that's what the movies try to make you believe.
Unfortunately, breakups never seem to be so easy. For weeks, months, sometimes even years, there's a deep yearning for the one who got away. What could we have been? What could I have done differently? Should I have fought harder? These questions lurk in your mind, keeping you up at night, and suddenly, you're bursting into tears, calling her, begging for her to love you the way she once did. Whether you were in a hetero- or homosexual relationship, whether you're a guy, girl, or somewhere in between, going through a breakup can be one of the most difficult parts of your life. It's the human experience that we all share: heartbreak.
So if you're going through heartache right now, or you know someone who is, these are some things you need to know that I wish I had known during my breakup.
1. It's okay to be devastated.
Your friends might tell you to get over it, that "They weren't good enough for you! You deserve better! Move on!" They might be right, but you have a right to mourn the loss. Losing a lover is almost like a death. You may never see this person again, at least, not in the way you once did. I'm guilty of saying this to friends of mine, and I'm sure you are too. If your friends seem insensitive to your pain, understand they are just trying to help you through, even if they are going about it in the wrong way.
2. When to start dating again is 100 percent your choice.
Some people may tell you to wait, that dating right away is a bad idea. Or, on the contrary, they may tell you to get back out there to forget about your ex. You might be ready to start dating immediately, or not for a year. This is your decision, and you will know when the time is right. No one is in control of your healing process but you.
3. Everything happens for a reason.
As cliché as this phrase is, it's true, especially in terms of breakups. You may have gotten out of a messy, abusive relationship, and wish you had never met your ex. Maybe you just wish you had never entered your relationship because of the pain you feel now. Either way, your relationship was a learning experience that will help you in all your future relationships, romantic and otherwise.
4. Your heartbreak is worth "the right one."
After your breakup, you might think that dating isn't for you, and you're going to be forever alone with three cats in a studio apartment. Sure, you can do that, but your "right one" is worth all the heartbreak you will ever have. Some people, like myself, have fallen into a deep depression after a breakup, and think that love isn't worth the invasive thoughts that depression brings. But I promise, when you meet the one who makes you the most important person in their world, your heartbreak will be but a distant memory.
