1. I made a boy cry.
I told him every disgusting detail and every revolting inside joke that was born. I made him cry as I read him old text messages the way a distraught actor reads a script. I told him everything as raw as I could and as quick as I could. He let me talk as long as I needed to and he still lets me talk when I get in my own head now.
2. Your friends will not want to believe you.
They will have the best intentions but after all they're friends with him too and they won't want to believe that he is capable of such nonsense. You will tell your story so many times that you'll forget it happened and you'll start to depersonalize from it. This is good.
3. You will wonder if you're allowed to feel sad.
Can you mourn a relationship that you ended? If it ended on your terms, why are you upset? You are upset because it mattered. No matter how bad it got or how awful it was, it mattered. Something you'd relied on isn't there anymore. You're allowed to feel sad about that.
4. Your family will not want to believe you either.
They'll ask you why you didn't say anything and why you didn't speak up but until your voice is taken away from you, you have no idea how hard it is to form words. Or to speak without apologizing every twenty seconds.
5. You will do things that only make sense to you.
If blue paper clips make you laugh but purple polka dots make you sob for a half hour, let yourself feel that. You will avoid places that remind you of people and you will delete everything that has ever reminded you of them. You will feel the need to post shady things on the book of faces and will put interesting pictures that get interesting responses on your snapchat.
6. You will grow away from them but you will still look at their social media.
Resist the urge.
Don't look at old messages it will only remind you of what you are lucky to have escaped.
7. Find some ice cream and cry.
Or don't. Do what will help you feel better. Phone a friend, cry alone, play in a park, drive around, sing a song, paint a picture.
