I know I'm not the only one that's not excited to go back to school this semester, unless you're in elementary school and the first day of school is more exciting than it is stressful. Sadly, most of you reading this are far beyond the stage of being excited about school, and with the piles of homework you receive every night, who would be excited to go back to what could basically be defined as torture? Instead of getting prepared for the upcoming semester, I've decided to make a list of things I would rather do than go to school. Without further adieu (and in no particular order), here are some things I would rather do than go back to school this semester.
1. Listen to someone with a monotone talk about the anatomy of dirt
2. Build a mansion out of chocolate in the middle of the Sahara
3. Train a great white shark to do basic dog tricks
4. Sit in a room full of non-venomous spiders for as long as I can stand
5. Watch turtles run the 1,000 meter event in the olympics
6. Explain how to use a computer or cell phone to an old person
7. Climb Mt. Everest without an oxygen tank or proper supplies
8. Vote for Hillary Clinton
9. Cook food on the sidewalks of Arizona
10. Take care of an overly intoxicated human being
11. Follow a celebrity around all day waiting for them to do something exciting
12. Spend the entire day at the gym
13. Never eat cookies for the rest of my life
14. Air dry after a shower in Florida
15. Have permanently wet socks for the rest of my life
16. Have children
17. Watch grass grow
18. Watch nothing but scary movies for the rest of my life
19. Brush a very large dog until he stops shedding
20. Pose for an 17th century oil painting
21. Never be able to taste food again
22. Clean my room
23. Never be able to use indoor plumbing again
24. Watch what I eat
25. Have a conversation with one of the Kardashians
26. Listen to Taylor Swift's music on repeat for the rest of my life
27. Teach a cat to do his business in the toilet
28. Name my daughter Mayonnaise and call her May for short.
29. Shave off my eyebrows
30. Cut all of my fingernails too short
31. Tweaze off all of my leg hair
32. Lose all use of my opposable thumbs
33. Never be able to say vowel sounds again
34. Like someone's post on Instagram from 172 weeks ago
35. Receive incessant messages from my ex about how much he misses me
36. Cut my left ear off
37. Lick my phone after dropping it in a public toilet
38. Have an outtie belly button
39. Shop at every store that doesn't have my size in stock
40. Walk across carpet covered with old toe nail clippings
41. Play "Pyramid" with Joey Tribbiani
42. Listen to Michelle Obama talk about childhood obesity problems
43. Fall into the toilet after someone left the seat up
44. Step in dog poop bare foot
45. Pick Every leaf from a giant Redwood tree
46. Use chopsticks to eat peas
47. Bite into a popsicle
48. Get bitten by 30 mosquitos
49. Wear a beard of bees
50. Wake up a bear from hibernation
51. No be able to use words larger than six letters
52. Have a hopeless crush on someone who doesn't like me back
53. Watch nothing but infomercials for the rest of my life
54. Wash my hair with mustard
55. Be allergic to bacon
56. Never be able to catch a cab
57. Swallow one of the small chokeable parts on toys for children ages 5+
58. Break my dominant writing hand
59. Weather nothing but pleather
60. Always run out of contacts
61. Get bitten by a great white
62. Get peed on by a baby
63. Never eat tacos again
64. Give up taking naps
65. Go to jail for sharing my Netflix account
66. Read encyclopedias
67. Use dirt as makeup
68. Challenge Inigo Montoya to a dual
69. Have a permanent mosquito bite
70. Be attacked by geese
71. Never shower again
72. Forget how to cook Kraft mac and cheese
73. Pour a bowl of cereal only to realize there's no milk
74. Go to a wedding and be the only one there without a date
75. Realize there's no toilet paper after eating Taco Bell
