53 Things I'd Rather Do Than Attend Auburn

It's an ongoing joke from any Alabama fan or student that Auburn is the cow college. I grew up knowing two things: y'all is a real word and Auburn sucks. So, for all of y'all out there, here are 53 things I'd rather do than attend Auburn University.

*Warning, sensitive content ahead. All exaggerated humor.*

1. Watch us lose a national championship game again.

2. Drink a cold glass of un-sweet tea.

3. Get hit by a Toyota Prius.

4. Learn how to solve a Rubix cube blindfolded.

5. Listen to an entire Spanish rap album.

6. Drive a Chevy.

7. Drive a Prius.

8. Cut a well-done steak with a butter knife.

9. Try to out-drink a native-born Irishman.

10. Get arrested for public indecency twice in one day.

11. Replace my eyedrops with lemon juice.

12. Drink a laxative then eat a pound of cheese.

12. Recreate the Chief Keef "Love Sosa" rant (explicit).

13. Move to Alaska, forever.

14. Get hit by Floyd Mayweather or kicked by Conor McGregor in the face.

15. Run out of toilet paper while sitting on the toilet.

16. Shave my head and wear a Donald Trump toupée.

17. Post workout selfies each day on Instagram (oops).

18. Do Clorox bleach shots.

19. Shotgun a Four Loko.

20. Scrub toilets in Bryant-Denny Stadium with a toothbrush.

21. Flunk out of Alabama.

22. Donate all of my organs without being in a car accident.

23. Show up to class in a pink g-string on syllabus day (graphic).

24. Take an orangutan out on a romantic date night.

25. Get paid to be a moving target in a paintball gun range.

26. Go full Johnny Knoxville and try to fly on a homemade rocket.

27. Watch six hours of ASPCA commercials on repeat.

28. Stop working out forever.

29. Have every text message I've ever sent screenshotted and posted to my mom's Facebook.

30. Watch the scene where the dog Sam from "I Am Legend" dies.

31. Use dial-up connections for the rest of my life.

32. Wear cargo shorts to a frat party.

33. Get kicked in the crotch.

34. Snort a pack of Pixy Stix.

35. Replace my wardrobe with Cam Newton's game day outfits.

36. Become an internet meme.

37. Take a shower in a public bathroom without flip-flops.

38. Do a back flip into a pool of Legos.

39. Ride a roller coaster without latching my seat belt.

40. Use pliers to pull a tooth out.

41. Take 24 credit hours in a semester.

42. Get chapped lips and use sandpaper as chapstick.

43. Receive a Stone Cold Stunner.

44. Be swallowed whole by an anaconda.

45. Lie down in a tanning bed for few hours.

46. Have a rap battle with Eminem.

47. Play "Frogger" in traffic.

48. Talk to a conservative about free choice.

49. Argue with a Southerner that "pop country" is real country music.

50. Sit during the national anthem.

51. Run a barefoot 100m dash on a track filled with shattered glass.

52. Talk to a liberal about gun rights.

53. Listen to Gary and Vern talk about the "Kick Six."

Roll Tide, y'all.