There are a lot of things to say, but somehow, after such a difficult time, the words are too hard to find. People don't know what to say to you, they don't really understand how you feel, and don't know how to comfort you. And you feel just the same in return, this feeling of unknown. Unfortunately, suicide has become far too common and it is a very sensitive and difficult subject to talk about. There are many thoughts and feelings after losing someone to suicide that you just don't know until you've had those feelings yourself.
The Fear of the Unknown
This is certainly the most common thought and right away, which will stay with you for a while as you process your grief. Regardless if it was a friend, relative, or significant other, you are left wondering what in the heck is going to happen and how different things are going to be. You are left with the question of how you are going to face life alone, now.
A lot of questions will arise and let me be honest, 98% of them will not be answered. Can I live my life the same? How can I go on without him or her here? How could they do this to me? Was there something I could have done? Why, why, why? It is important to know that by questioning things, you recognize grief and take the time to mourn in order to keep your own feelings in check.
This is very relevant if you were close to the person. You begin to feel overwhelmed with the guilt of not stopping he or she from this horrible end to life. You blame yourself because you tried to stop them, but his or her weakness prevailed and ended up happening instead of you stopping him or her. Thinking that you could have said something or maybe done something else is all part of this stage of the grieving process. And, though it is difficult, remember that it is not your fault.
Anger is something that you face towards the middle of this process. You have faced the fact that this person is gone, you have begun grieving, you are starting to question everything and the reasons behind this situation; but now, your questions start to uncover some anger and madness. Why did they freaking do this to me? You start to question the act in a selfish way and find yourself, again, guilty for feeling anger towards your friend that had his or her own struggle, which lead to this unfortunate situation.
By going through such an awful time and trying to cope with sadness, fear, and everything else, you try to find strength. At one time, you might have been extremely close to that person, you might have been his or her other half. And because of that, you want to honor and remember the good from that person's life. You want to be strong for that person because weakness ultimately prevailed and you can't accept any more weakness. Strength is one of those things that feeds off of each other. When you start to be strong, others will notice and take heart. Be strong, for your friend's sake.
Suicide is something unpopular to talk about in this society, but I think needs to be more commonly addressed. It is a weak act that happens because a person doesn't know what else life has to offer. If you know someone facing a difficult time, be there for him or her, support and love that person, show how much you care and how much he or she means to you, and most importantly seek medical care if you don't know what to do. Because with mental health, we can't look into another person's mind, but we can encourage professional medical help that may end up saving a life.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call 1 (800) 273-8255 or visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ for help. It's never too late to try and save a life.