First love is a magical experience, but most of the time, it just doesn't work out. The irony is that we all remember planning our weddings, children's names, and thinking about our futures with our first love; just to have it all come crashing (or floating gently) down. My first love kind of did the crashing, but I still think back to the time that I spent with him fondly. It makes me sad to think of the abundant amount of love that I could have given this person, but that he no longer wanted to accept. I just always think of it this way: if I could love the wrong person that much, think how much I will be able to love the right one. Here are some things I learned from my first love experience.
People change.
(And that's okay)
Sometimes the relationship can just begin to be too much on one party; and that sadly will leave the other party devastated most times. Sometimes the way you see a person in the beginning isn't the person you see in the end. You learn more about a person in the months after the breakup than you do during the entire relationship.
First love hardly ever works out.
We've all heard that famous line from just about every adult during our first love experience, but the funny thing is: none of us believe it. We all think we're "different" and "it's real this time." Let me tell you something: all the adults are right. And I hope that you don't have to find out the hard way. Don't settle for someone's misbehavior just because you love them.
Don't let things go just because you don't want to lose them.
I learned this one way too late and I can't help but constantly wonder what the outcome would have been had I cut the ties before he did; as I probably should have. Listen, if he stops spending time with you (I mean neglecting you almost completely), no matter the reason, end it. If he "jokes around" a little too often, especially about things that he knows really matter to you, end it. If he can fall asleep knowing you're crying and it's because of him, end it. Take the signs and run with them, because they are not your imagination. Don't assume that your relationship is "different," because I promise you that it isn't. If he disrespects you in any way, leave.
The type of person you want.
Everyone assumes that they already know what type of significant other they want in life. Maybe you like blondes, or smart guys, or football boys. Maybe you like the romantic type. But you won't really know until you date a few people. What you think you want in a person, may turn out to be one of the biggest turn-offs. Something you thought you didn't want, might become a trait in someone that you really fall for.
The type of person you are.
This is a big one. Not only do you learn what you like and dislike in another person, but you learn what you like and dislike in yourself. I became too needy in my first relationship. Notice i said "became"... I was not like this from the beginning and it is not a time in my life that I am proud of. So, I took the time after the breakup to better myself; to work on being more independent. And it has worked.
If they leave you at your worst, they sure as hell don't deserve you at your best.
This doesn't need much elaboration, it's a pretty simple one.
At least be civil. We're adults.
At one point in time you were everything to each other, don't forget that...
You will probably, at times, miss their family more than you will miss them.
I personally miss my first love's Grandmother the most. She was the sweetest person I've ever met and she always gave me hard copies of my [then] boyfriend's childhood pictures (which he hated that she would do). And I miss his sister, who I still talk to on occasion and the way she looked up to me as an "older girl" figure.
Life goes on, baby.
No matter how much you think you'll never get over them, I can tell you that you will. It does take a very long time and you will definitely have days of relapse, but life goes on. You will find someone else and you will be happy again, I promise.
Don't let a rough ending poison your memory of the wonderful beginning.
I still care about my first love and I don't have any hard feelings towards him. I wish him the best and I sincerely hope that he wishes that for me too. We had a very bumpy ending, but the beginning was wonderful, as first love always always is in the beginning; unlike anything I have ever experienced in my 18 years of life. But I refuse to forget about the good times just because there also happened to be bad ones.
