I recently celebrated my birthday with family and friends and I am super thankful for all of them. I felt so loved, but yet so alone. For some reason, I tend to think that all the people in my life who say they love me are just lying and are planning on leaving me.
I admit I am a strong person and if you don't want to be in my life, so be it. It's honestly your loss. The thing that gets me the most is when people say they will never leave me, but then they do. I imagine everyone experiences this thought sooner or later when they become close to someone, whether it's a boyfriend or a girlfriend, a close friend, or a family member.
No way I'm the only one that fears that.
It's hard to find people that you want in your life and then when they don't stay, it's even harder. We put all this time and effort into these relationships that we want to last and we think will last but then one day out of the blue, they don't. That hurts like hell. I have had too many people leave me in my life whether it was their choice or not.
It makes me sad when I go through old pictures, or think about all those memories I had with that person. Whether it's my best friend, my father, or my dog dying, they are now gone. I feel torn between wanting to cry about it and caring a lot, or being like, "Well, f* ck it, apparently they didn't want to be apart of my life."
I don't know if it's me, but I would never do that to someone or at least if I was going to, I would rip it off like a band-aid. That sh*t hurts. But I feel that's what life is most of the time a lot of hurting and feeling pain. It sucks when someone doesn't want to be apart of your life anymore and you miss them. But, obviously, you can't let them be the ones that are holding you back. We need to suck it up and constantly keep moving forward. We need to disconnect with all the bad stuff in life and reconnect with all the great things about life; whether they are happening yet or not, they will come.
I guess this is why we should all live every day as if it were our last because we never know when our last day will be. Enjoy the company of those around you - human or not - because you don't know how long they will stay. Also, be careful who you trust and allow in your life, be smart about it, and try your best to not set yourself up to get hurt in the end... Even though you may never know a person.
In the end, all of the hurt should fade away, it may come back on those cloudy days and make it a hard day to face. Be thankful for all of those who will be there for you and the ones who have shown you that they truly care. If you have people in mind, you are lucky, I know I am. Appreciate them because honestly, you are probably pretty important to them.
I know everyone important to me I wish for them to be in my life forever even though it may not turn out that way. I will never forget about any of them. I will just be thankful for having as much time as I did with them. The ones who impact your life every day even if you aren't as close to them as you once were, or maybe you have always been close. Those are the ones who you will always remember and they will remember you too.
We have such a big impact on one another's lives - let's make it a good one because even though I can be a mean b*tch, even I don't think hurting people is fun. No one deserves to be hurt, life is hard enough. We shouldn't be making it more difficult for each other. Just take everything one step at a time.