It seems no matter how great or strong a family is, there is always a form of sibling rivalry that exists. Why is that? Is it because Mom and Dad REALLY DO have a favorite? Or is that just a perception each of us carry as we struggle to find our place in the world, beginning with our family unit?
My older sister seems to be the “golden child” in our family. Everything comes easy for her-doors open when she just enters a room, let alone gets close to one. That’s not to say she isn’t a hard worker, because she is. She just makes it all look easy and is very approachable. People seem to naturally gravitate to her in a crowd; trust me-her jokes aren’t even that funny, so for years I wondered why that was. My youngest sister sits back and observes everything. She appears quiet, but has all the right advice and perfect answers to every situation when she is asked. She has a dry sense of humor and a sophisticated air about her. Me, well I am somewhere in between both of my sisters. Doors don’t open for me-I usually walk into them. School doesn’t come easy, but it probably would be a lot easier if I weren’t the King of Procrastination. I’m rarely quiet, and can be loud at the most awkward times. I am the “fly by the seat of my pants”, flying between The Planner and The Calculator.
It’s obvious to me why I would have some feelings of inadequacy that has led to my rivalry with my sisters. What had not been so apparent was that they felt those same feelings about me! Recently we all came home for a family wedding, and as we were talking amongst our cousins, my older sister blurted out how I have always been our parents’ favorite. My younger sister and I looked at each other quickly with a perplexed look on our faces-as if she had just spoken in Mandarin. My younger sister was able to pull her mouth closed quicker than I, and then with her usual composure stated “Uh, no, I have always been the favorite”. My older sister got an angry look on her face and used her matter of fact voice, that the first born is usually always blessed with (in my experience), and stated “that is absolutely not true”. I was still hoping to conversation would just come back to that moment I was thought to be the favorite, but instead it became a round robin of why each of us thought the other had been our parents’ favorite.
As my cousins watched us go back and forth, looking much like they were watching a tennis match, it was my younger sister who stopped talking and redirected the conversation to them, asking which one of us THEY thought was our parents’ favorite. My oldest cousin looked at all three of us with a smirk and said, “I don’t know what your parents think, but I’ve always been Grandma and Grandpa’s favorite”. That statement made us all laugh, as well as realize how special we each are in our own way-to each other and to our parents and grandparents.
How thankful I am for my family as this Thanksgiving approaches. Whether it is a day I am at the top of the list, or somewhere in the middle, these are the people who have taught me what matters most in relationships-to have people that love you for you.
