Brace yourselves, because this is going to be a long one, folks! If you're nosy like me, then you'll probably want to stick around.
For the last year of my life, I have been attending DePaul University. When I was applying to colleges as senior, I only looked at one college in the city of Boston and I did not even end up applying there. I was focused on getting as a far away from home without crossing the Mississippi. I wanted to prove something and I was determined to make it somewhere different, somewhere that nobody I knew could go.
My mother and I visited Chicago in July of 2013 and I quickly fell in love with the charming Midwestern city and every thing that it had to offer. By March of the next year, I was officially enrolled at DePaul University. After arguably the worst year of my (short) life, something was finally looking up.
High school was okay, but going to an all-girls school with a corrupt administration and a population as big as my sixth-grade class was starting to take a toll on my mental health. I was ready to rip the plaid kilt off and step into the new metropolitan me. After graduation I packed all of my belongings and started counting down the days until move-in. I had a roommate who I thought was going to be the bee's knees and I was ready. Or so I thought.
By August, I was internalizing the cold feet I was experiencing. I know it's crazy but the only thing that motivated me to move across country was the Instagram account Chicago Food Authority. I thought that this homesick feeling in my stomach would go away and then I would be able to visit all of the places that she showcased on Instagram. Everything would just be peaches and cream. I was a mess the entire weekend that my parents were there because I didn't want my parents to leave me; it was pathetic.
I think I cried every single time I talked to my family over the phone. A day did not go by where I didn't call my entire family. I put on a brave face for my immersion week but I was so worried about finding friends that every night I would silently sob into my pillow and hope that my roommate didn't hear me while she was in the shower.
One day, though, I didn't call my family for the entire day; I was so busy with classes starting that I only had time for one phone call. Something in me changed, and I loved it. Chicago was amazing! I made amazing friends, ate some really awesome food and I was trying something new every day. I remember the day I went to my first frat party and how I was so disappointed in the lukewarm beer that I was provided and equally disgusted by someone throwing their gum straight from their mouth onto the floor. Needless to say, DePaul doesn't have the best party scene if that is what you are into.
Classes went swimmingly and I made the Dean's List for all three quarters. I somehow managed to have a 4.0 GPA for two of those three quarters, which my parents and I were very proud of. Everything seemed fine to anyone looking at my tweets or Facebook. I even got two tattoos without telling my parents; I was living the rebellious "college" lifestyle!
Fast forward to the end of the first quarter and I literally did not want it to end! I had made great friends and was loving the independence. DePaul is on the quarter system which means that my winter break was almost two months long. After those two months were over, I was reluctant about heading back to school.
Winter quarter was probably the worst ten weeks of my entire freshman year. Tensions were high because everyone was stuck indoors all the time thanks to the polar vortex, and classes started to get harder now that we didn't have peer mentors holding our hands. I made friends, lost friends and remade friends all within the same time frame. I knew as soon as I stepped foot into my dorm room that I wanted to go home as soon as I could. I booked a flight home almost immediately after returning to school and loved every second of that weekend away.
My rooming situation was starting to wear on me; one of my suitemates and I really did not get along and my own roommate was always in my room sleeping. I didn't have a job, I couldn't be outside and being in my own room was suffocating.
During this time, I made the two best friends that anyone could ever imagine making. Without them I do not know if I would have made it the entire year at DePaul. Sophie and Isabell, who are both showcased in my collage of pictures, will be my forever friends. Isabell is joining me in Boston next year and I am so excited about it!
I spent many a night sitting on their floor until the wee hours of the morning, watching Willam Belli videos while Drew skyped his friend under Isabell's bed. That system worked for us and it made me so incredibly happy to have them by my side.
I also think that I would've ripped my hair out if I didn't share my housing experience with my ray of sunshine of a suitemate, Luzi. My floor (RIP third floor of Belden-Racine) was housing a bunch of animals and toddlers and was a complete nightmare. Getting ready and chatting every morning really brightened my days.
Something within me started to shift during this quarter and I remember talking to my best friends from home about transferring. One of them was in the process of transferring and I remember starting the Common Application as soon as I got home from class that day. I was going to keep it a secret from my family just to see what would happen, and to have some options.
That night when I called my mother to talk about the day, I told her what I was thinking and all I could remember was the silence on the other end and how deafening it was. She told me I could only apply to Emerson and laid out some logistics about how the next year would go if I were to return home.
The application was due nine days after that phone call. Nine days may seem like enough time to get things done, but I was also in the midst of finals and I was working two jobs at this point. Trying to get paperwork faxed from my high school to Emerson was tough enough, but being one-thousand miles away really put the icing on that cake.
After it was in, I had to wait almost two months for my decision letter. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared of the road ahead of me and whether or not Emerson would even want me in its Marketing Communications program. I had not been involved in any clubs and I didn't think I was doing anything meaningful at DePaul.
Life outside of this bubble wasn't going that well either. I finally had enough of my less than stellar living situation and my roommate was moving out. Looking back on the experience, I should've let fate decide that one for me as it was not worth all of the internal trouble. I never really talked about my rooming situation to anyone other than my mother and Luzi, but it totally took a toll on my spirits and sucked the life out of me. I should not have put up with that for so long and learned my lesson about speaking up, even in awkward situations.
With spring quarter starting and another college acceptance under my belt, I finally felt a renewed hope for my future. I was talking about clubs, classes and sororities and I never felt more at peace with a decision. Sure I was nervous about starting at a new school, but I didn't have that sinking feeling in my chest when I thought about the fall semester.
I guess what this long winded post is trying to convey, is that it is okay to like being at home. Would I have loved to stay at DePaul if it had been a better fit? Absolutely! However, I also realized how important home was to me. I would look at my tattoo every single day and dream about being home and being able to see my family; there was nothing tying me down to DePaul, and you should never feel like that about your college. You should be doing more than school work and I wasn't, simply because I didn't want to be involved in the DePaul community. Something always felt off about joining clubs or being involved, and that off-putting feeling was one of the main reasons that I was unhappy.
It is okay to change your path. Although my college experience isn't the normal cookie cutter version that everyone else experiences, it is still my experience and I need to be be the one satisfied at the end of the day. I am not disappointed and you shouldn't be either, if this is your reality. You will still graduate from a really amazing school and you will still be okay at the end of your four years. Nothing changes because of this decision.
With this experience finally down on proverbial paper, I feel much more at peace with my decision. I had the best year of my life in the 773; I had lots of crispy chicken pad thai from Duck Walk, had one too many iced turtle lattes from the Bean, saw amazing drag shows, saw Big Sean (!) in concert for free and I got to live in one of the best cities in the world, to name a few! I would never trade those experiences in for anything else.
I should have listened when strangers would tell me that there really was no place like home. I am glad to be back in the 617, and look forward to falling in love with my city all over again. If you are in the same situation, do not be afraid to make a change! You will not regret it.
Until next time,
Adrianna
P.S. I am so upset that it took my favorite barista at the Bean the entire year to learn that I exclusively drank Big Iced Turtle lattes! On the last day of classes he finally recognized me and had my drink ready by the time I got to the register to pay!
