Softball was much more than a sport for me. It turned into my lifestyle. Softball was a part of my life before I could even pick up a bat. My grandfather coached my mother when she played, and once my father retired from the hockey life, he began to play in a men’s softball league. The day I was born my father had just gone out to go buy himself a new softball bat. So it was not much of a surprise when my parents decided to sign me up for softball. From that day on, I fell in love with the sport that shaped me into the person I am today.

Once I turned eight, softball got pretty serious for me. My dad began to notice the amount of time we were spending at the batting cages not only for me to practice hitting, but because my sister was also starting to get pretty serious into her pitching. So instead of spending countless hours and money, and driving to the batting cages, he decided to just build us our own batting cage in our backyard. Mom wasn’t too pleased with the idea, but she knew it was for the best. I spent countless hours and nights in there attempting to perfect my playing abilities.

When I got to high school I realized that I wanted to pursue softball even more. Luckily, I was given the opportunity to be on the varsity team. Which is extremely rare knowing the amount of talent that was above me. My parents then decided it was time to reach for the opportunity to play at the collegiate level. We would spend countless hours traveling all across the country to showcase tournaments where college coaches could watch hundreds of girls reach that next level. Many of the girls who played in my high school program went on to play college softball, the majority even going D1. But at the same time, I saw many of teammates stop playing the sport they loved after high school. Senior year hit and it was decision-making time: I had decided that I was going to pursue and further my education along with playing the sport I love at Eckerd College.

Freshman year had its battles. I thought I would be able to handle the whole school and softball thing like I did in the past, but it was a lot different than I expected. I spent countless hours in the gym, softball field and the library. As a freshman, you know you’re at the bottom of the totem pole. Which was new to me as I never really had to compete for a spot on a team in my life. I don’t think I was really sure how to go about it. I was constantly in my head to be better. Though I was extremely competitive, I had the little sister mentality of knowing my place as a freshman. I wanted to be able to not only secure a spot on the team but be on good terms with the team as a whole. It was a hard time in my life. But I still loved being on that team. My coaches were great and all the girls on the team helped me feel welcomed.

Then sophomore year came along. Coach had just brought in probably about 11 freshman and transfers into the program. After being at the bottom of the totem pole, I was now starting to become worried about not only becoming a starter but securing a spot on the team itself, knowing that Coach would end up needing to make cuts at the end of the fall season. I began to let all the pressure get to me not only from academics, but from softball too. It felt like after taking one step forward, I would take about 10 steps back. Which led to the end of something I once loved.

From this day, I still remember how it felt to have something ripped away from me in a blink of an eye. In that very moment you truly realize what it feels like to lose something you've loved your whole life. That something to me was softball.

13 Years, 156 Months, 711 Weeks, 4982 days.

That is how much time softball had consumed and had been a part of my life.

When something has been a part of you for that long, you can't understand how to live without it. But on Nov. 21, 2013, on a Thursday afternoon, the only words to haunt me were these two words, “You’re cut.” Though my coach did not simply put it into those layman terms, that was the only thing I could seem to get from the whole conversation, as millions of thoughts were running through my tiny little brain at the time. But if there is one thing I could have told myself on that day, it would have been to breathe and realize that everything would be okay. Also, thank you to that coach who I thought had ruined my life forever.

Thank you for making me see I am not a failure.

Thank you for making me become an independent woman.

Thank you for giving the ability to get through difficult situations.

Thank you for the opportunity to explore new hobbies.

Thank you for allowing me to pursue opportunities to advance in my career.

Thank you for teaching me there is more to life than just softball... There's my future.