“It was a quiet December morning, the day my life turned upside down. I was in Florida on vacation, visiting my Grandparents with my Mom and brother. My dad was supposed to fly down to meet us that evening and I couldn’t explain to you the excitement I had felt. He was my best friend and my favorite person. The one I could tell everything to.
The hours seemed long when he neglected to return our calls. My mom was in a state of confusion, and I was angry. Half the day was gone and it wasn’t like him to not answer the phone. My mom had called his office several times, only to hear his partner say “Larry stepped out for a minute” each time that she called. Something wasn’t right. There was a knot in my stomach.
Mrs. G was my mom’s best friend and a close neighbor. She had agreed to go into the house and check on him for us, and my mom walked into another room with my grandparents while on the phone with her.
I sat in my room silently with the door open, wondering how he could ever let us worry like this. How he could ever allow his family to be so sick over him. Emails, phone calls, voice mails, texts… I sent 100. The beginning of that day is so vivid in my mind, but all at once it became a blur.
I heard a shriek in the next room. Not the kind of shriek when there’s a lizard on the floor, or someone stubs their toe, or spills some milk. The kind of shriek that pierces your heart and shatters the hope in your soul. Before they even came out of the room I knew. I knew that he was gone.
Everyone comes out of the room crying and shaking and my Grandpa grabbed me tight in his arms. I did not want to be hugged. I did not want to be consoled. I asked if he was dead, and all he could manage was a “I’m so sorry.” I will never forget the feeling in my chest as I ran into my room and locked the door. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so broken.
11 years old, I buried my 45 year old father. I watched my mother fall apart, and had to take care of my 5 year old brother. In 2 months we packed up and moved from New Jersey to Florida, the end of my 6th grade year. I had no friends, and no personality. For two years I was the shy new girl that didn’t speak.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about that day. December 23, 2008 has made me the person I am today. Crazily enough, this tragedy has opened my eyes in more ways than one. I am no longer so quick to judge another human, or their decisions on any matter, because I have learned that we truly never know what is going on in another person's life unless we, ourselves are living it. Everyone has a story that no one knows about, and I feel I am a better person now, having realized that.”
I wrote this story, the beginning of my sophomore year of high school, for an English assignment. My teacher prompted us to share an experience that was most impactful in our lives- good or bad. Something that completely changed the world as we know it. I know anyone who has lost a parent at a young age can agree with me, that there is no equivalent to the pain you feel once the one person you held so high on a pedestal has been completely taken away from you. My father was the light of my life- my Superman. He was my best friend and biggest supporter, I looked forward to every second I was able to spend hanging on his side. He coached all my sports teams, and even supported me to the fullest extent in the girliest sport ever- competitive cheer-leading. He held no shame in cheering me on at football games, competitions, pep rally’s, it didn’t matter. He stood by my side in all that I did and aimed to do.
So what do you do when you wake up one morning and your entire world gets flipped upside down? When there’s no more Sunday Giants games on the couch? Or softball catches in the backyard? Or just the beautiful sound of their voice calling you downstairs for dinner? They don’t prepare you for this type of thing in school, and it’s not something any child ever imagines having to deal with. It never feels like something like this could actually happen, until it happens to you. I am now 19 years old, and I still wonder how I got here. How my life managed to play out the way that it did. Not that that’s a bad thing- because the truth is that this tragedy has changed my outlook on the world in so many good ways. It’s hard to find light in a situation like this, after losing someone you held so dear to your heart. But, the only way to move forward and grow as a person is to use this pain as fuel to power you through life’s obstacles… because you best believe life doesn’t stop for anybody, and this won’t be the only heartache you endure in this cruel world. I remember crying to my mother, saying that at least at this young age, I was already going through the hardest thing I would ever have to deal with in my life. No other tragedy could ever amount to this, so nothing worse could ever happen to me- therefore, I should no longer let little things in life phase me. That’s a hard concept to grasp, but it’s grown very relevant to me. This loss has made me stronger than I ever imagined I could be. Unlike most people my age, who still think life revolves around a boy, or what clothes you wear, or what purse you carry, I know that in the end- none of those things matter. I try (for the most part) not to get caught up on those things. We are all human, and we all prioritize things that we shouldn’t. I am happy that none of my friends have had to go through what I’ve been through, and that they still think that what color lipstick they buy at Mac is the biggest crisis of the 21st century. Some days, I wish I still thought that way, too. I wish I didn’t carry this heavy burden on my heart, and I fight every day to not allow myself to be bitter. But the truth is, the people you love can disappear in the blink of an eye. The only things that matter are people. Who you loved, how you loved them, how you treated them, what kind of person you were- what you offered the world. Every day is a chance to be a better you. The clock is always ticking. There is so much we can do in this life and it took me a long time to set myself on a track I know he can fully be proud of.
So to my Superman… thank you for your strength, your wisdom, your unconditional love, your kindness, your modesty, your bravery, and your selfless-ness. I will spend the rest of my life dedicated to becoming the person you knew that I could be. xx
