Identity Crisis (noun): Personal psychosocial conflict especially in adolescence that involves confusion about one's social role and often a sense of loss of continuity to one's personality.

Do I actually suffer from having an identity crisis? Maybe, maybe not. However, I would say that a form of this has definitely affected my life.

I was born in Gujarat, India in a household of about seven people at the time, which means I have taught early about the Indian traditions, culture, and lifestyle. At the age of six, my parents and I moved just slightly farther away to North East, Pennsylvania in the United States. Just next door, right? My parents were trying to adjust to the new work life, and I was trying to learn what "How are you?" meant. I knew my state language and could understand the national language of Hindi, but before flying thousands of miles across the ocean, I had no knowledge of the English language. I used the "smile and wave" technique before I knew what it was. For the first few years of being in the States, I took extra classes to catch up on English as well as the American culture; furthermore, the next few years were spent communicating in English that I obtained the capability to be hardworking and persevering in my academics.

Although I didn't move from Pennsylvania until after completing high school, I consistently carried the feeling of confusion about my social role. Most people would imagine that moving at a young age would be beneficial since the idea of adaptability is easier at youth rather than adulthood. I'm here to tell you that I may have adapted great, but the definition of 'identity crisis' describes the situation of growing up from my experience perfectly. Moving at six years old resulted in not really being able to completely remember my life back in India. I lived feeling that it was my home because I was Indian, and I remember special moments with my friends and family. Nonetheless, India has changed greatly from that time, and those six years became not enough of memories to keep saying that it is still my home.

Just because India could not be my home for long enough doesn't mean that America took that position. I have now been in the United States for about fourteen years, and I finally understand past, present, and future tenses of verbs, but it is still not home. Even our home is filled with Indian food, traditions, and the culture so I will never lose sight of where I came from. I have grown up seeing two sides to almost every situation. I know how it would be perceived here, and I know how it would be if I still lived in Gujarat. My mentality changes between both viewpoints because I am not completely one or the other.

For awhile, I thought of my identity crisis moments as horrible to deal with because I longed to celebrate Indian traditions and visit the beautiful places, but at the same time, I felt lucky to be able to experience the life here and meet the wonderful people that I have during my time in America. Now I stand knowing that I cannot really make either place "home." Home for me is never going to be a location. I have grown up seeing the world as a place where I can just travel; moreover, it is where I am able to experience the beauty that Mother Earth can provide, but it is no more or less than that. Not being able to live in India more was upsetting at first, and then realizing that I was not born here, which caused America to also not feel like my own, was even worse of a feeling... I constantly felt homesick but could never find my home.

Over the past few years, I've slowly developed the feeling that I will use every little town in this continent as a new experience, and it is in myself and the people I keep dear to me that I will find my home. If I try to choose just one identity from my past or try to combine them together, I will get confused again. I will not know who I really am or who I ought to be. In the upcoming years of my life, I hope to create my identity solely based on individuality from what I continue to see and learn. I will always have my love for India because I was brought into the world in that very country as I was enriched by its great culture. Nevertheless, the small town of North East, PA gave me a place to create the wonderful childhood memories that I can now treasure.

Now, I will find out who I can be separate from everything and everyone else around me because once I have a sense of self, I can promise myself that I will never have to question my identity or purpose no matter where I go or who I am with during this adventurous journey.