I remember the first boy I ever dated. 6th grade I remember him turning around in the hallway,asking me if I liked him and if i'm being honest, I didn't. I liked his friend who had the same first name. Little 6th grade me thought it would be fun to have a boyfriend, I mean a boy I didn't like was better than no boy at all right? I told little sixth grade boyfriend I liked him, and just like that we were dating! Thats when it started, the journey to where I am now.
I believe with my whole heart that every person you involve your heart and mind to, is one step closer to the person God has provided for you. In middle school nothing is ever that serious. Now of course my very first ever relationship lasted a solid week maybe with a boy I kinda just agreed to be with, but reflecting back, each relationship taught me not only about the kind of person I want to end up with, but also taught me things I needed to know about myself.
Where it all began...
In seventh grade, I had a friend, who became a best friend, who became a boyfriend. The only tough part of this is that he was my brothers best friend too. I know what they say trust me, "Don't ever date your brothers friends." I thought, whatever, love is love. My freshman year of high school we were together and to me its all I ever wanted. A God fearing young man, with a wild child personality. He had a big ole heart and always wanted to be around me. He walked me to every class and always wanted to hug up on me and hold my hand, cute right? I never knew how independent I truly was until one day the simple things like walking me to every class turned into being tired of being walked place to place and the constant hugs and loving up on me became an invasion of space. I learned that I am an independent person and like my space and having time for myself. Halfway through freshman year, we broke up due to being completely overwhelmed with the relationship, and the trials I was facing in life outside of the relationship.
The boy that taught me to not be so naive.
Sophomore year I reunited with an old friend from church and we clicked like peas and carrots right off. It was black-friday and we were up all night texting about life, his life and mine while I was waiting in line for all the black-friday deals. Now he had moved away from where I lived and we decided we wanted to do the whole "long distance." relationship, and to me it sounded like a great idea! Just made seeing him even more special right? As the months went on, arguments came about more often, and stories he would tell me sounded like nothing but a lie, but I naively believed him because thats what you do when you have a boyfriend. He always told me if you don't have trust, you have nothing. after months of believing every lie he ever told me, I started learning the truth of every lie that came out of his sweet talking mouth. After we went to prom together, after he surprised me all those times, I learned the truth.
One day, I got a text from a poor, heartbroken, but very rude and angry girl that wanted to know why I couldn't understand that my boyfriend didn't love me, he loved her. To make a long story short, I had been cheated on the whole relationship. The whole relationship was a lie and I had wasted 9 months of my life on a boy that apparently didn't love me like he said he did. He taught me to not me so naive, because as my mom has always said
"Bad boys will break your heart."
I made the mistake of settling for just-good-enough. Making myself believe I deserved how I was being treated because that is what I was so use to.
No means No.
After sophomore year, I swore off dating. I figured I didn't need it anyway and had the rest of my life to date. The last month of Junior year, I reconnected with yet another old friend. We started talking again like old times and a friendship turned into a flirtationship which turned into a relationship. At first it was great! My mom even liked him so that made things easier. We'd hang out every day in the summer, and were employed at the same place that same summer. He even asked me to be his girlfriend in the cutest way that would just melt your heart. For the first couple months he treated me great, but as time went on his true colors came out as they usually eventually do. Word of advise: when he says he wants to go to a parking lot to talk, he doesn't actually want to talk if you're catching my drift. Now I was raised to have dignity and not lower my standards or morals for anyone and when a line tries to be crossed, no should mean no. After countless "No's." and several angry goodbyes, I finally realized I was NOT being treated the way I should be! The SECOND you are so disrespected by a boy who should be treating you like a princess should be a sign to hop right on out of that relationship. After verbally abusive conversations, mentally exhausting arguments and a lot of internal conflict on how to handle the situation, I finally saw my worth and broke it off, as hard as it was.
The truth.
My Dad said it best.
"The only way to figure out what kind of person you connect with is to see what works and what doesn't. You have the rest of your life to be tied down, date around a little."
The truth is, If you don't learn at least one thing about yourself, or the kind of person you want to be with moving forward, chances are you're in the relationship for all the wrong reasons.
Now, I am a freshman in college, girlfriend of who I see to be my true love, my best friend and my future as long as he will take me. A guy who lets me have my space, but likes his too. A guy who is affectionate the same way as me through actions and not all touchy-touchy-clingy. A guy who respects me with all he has, and couldn't lie to a rock. As a hopeless romantic, I have reached the point where I see why God had me deal with the "ghosts of boyfriends past." the way I did, to prepare me for this moment in time now, and for my future no matter what happens.
The best thing I have ever learned is to respect myself.
