My father has been in the United States Army for my entire life, and in the past 15 years, I have seen him maybe three or four times a year, depending on if he was deployed or not. So when I accidentally fell in love with a sailor, who was soon after stationed in Hawaii (approx. 4,899 miles from me), and deployed two months after that, I thought “Ha, I got this!”
I so do not “got this.”
I love my dad, I really do. He’s my favorite person on this planet, my biggest inspiration, biggest hero, and biggest supporter. No man could ever take his place. But comparing the absence of my father due to military duties, to the absence of the love of my life was silly on my part. It is vastly different and a whole separate variety of pain.
The falling in love part was easy. Obviously. Loving him is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Because it’s really, truly the unconditional kind of love where you know with all your heart that no matter what this person has done or will do, you will keep loving them until the very end. So, even though we both knew that it would be easier to not be together, the fact of the matter is, we couldn’t bear being apart. Even though every happy memory we have together was shadowed by the knowledge that it was only temporary and he would eventually have to leave, they are the happiest memories that I have.
When I drove him to the airport to leave for Hawaii I cried the whole two-hour drive home (that’s four hours there and back, YOU’RE WELCOME BABE). The most difficult part about it is the distance. It takes its toll, as you would expect. But a long distance relationship is even more difficult with someone in the military because you can’t text all hours of the day, and you can’t FaceTime each other every night, and you can’t just take off work and get on a plane to see each other. Worse than that, you can’t be there for each other during important times in your lives. I’ve already missed his birthday. We’ll be missing Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day, and who knows what else along the way. Every holiday, every event, every night falling asleep alone constantly feels like something is missing.
We got through two months of him living in Hawaii when he had to leave for his first deployment. The majority of our conversations for about two weeks prior, was him expressing all of his concerns, and me reassuring him that it was all going to be okay. I never told him about all of my worries because I had to be strong for him. I thought I was doing well too, until I got that first two-minute call telling me he was safe and he would call again when he could. When we hung up, I broke down for the first time since he left. And that’s when I realized nothing would ever be the same again.
Now, the Navy controls my whole life. Simply put, phone etiquette no longer applies to me—I will not be turning my phone off during class or at dinner or when I’m out with friends. On a much larger scale, my relationship with him is the single most important thing in my life now. My future is planned around his. What he is required to do dictates what I choose to do. And I honestly wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
Loving someone in the military is the most difficult thing you will ever be faced with in a relationship, but it’ll be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Because no matter where he is in the world or what he’s doing, I know that I would never want to be with anyone as much as I want to be with him. Waiting for him will always be more worthwhile than any relationship I could have with anyone else. If you’re lucky enough to love someone in the military too, we have to remember that as temporary as being with him was, being away from him is just as temporary, and it will be okay. Distance can stop you from touching them, but it can’t stop you from loving them.
