This world is big on visibility. If you appear physically happy then you're happy, if you appear physically sick, you're perceived as sick. What people don't consciously think about is what you don't see. You see, the thing about my illness is that you can't always see it. It's easily hidden behind a smile, a convincing excuse, or a laugh.
When people talk about mental illness, everyone around you tenses up, shifts in their seat a little, avoids eye contact, or you all look at the one person in the room who you know has a past with the illness. It's not a comfortable topic, which is why I'm going to talk about it.
The thing about my illness is that it never went away after treatment. After I got out of treatment for an eating disorder and depression and anxiety everyone was super supportive, always texting me and telling me "I'm here for you" "you're strong you can do this" But that gets old. You begin to appear okay so everyone automatically assumes you're okay. You illness becomes old, and the support dwindles, because you're okay.
The thing about my illness is that I'm going to have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I will have good days and bad days and i will never know what each day will hold. The thing is I will lie to you about being okay and I will hide my illness with a mask. That doesn't mean the support should fade. The thing about mental illness is that even the smallest things help. Treatment does not fix us, we are not cars in a body shop. Our healing takes time, and our healing never stops. Sometimes I will not tell you if I need support but just know the thing about my illness is that sometimes I do and sometimes a hug is all I need and others its a box of tissues and a good friend.
The thong about my illness is that it is unpredictable. Being alone too long makes it worse, I survive by being around friends, by telling my story, by living.
The thing about my illness is that I have to wake up everyday and chose to live instead of my illness, and the thing about that is it's the hardest thing I will ever have to do.
The thing about my illness is that it dwells on people being put down on me being put down.
The thing about me is that I am healing. And even though I am healing does not mean I don't still need a friend from time to time.The thing about me is that I am a person too.
The thing about my illness is that it is not me. I want you to see me as me not my illness. The thing is I will not stop telling my story until a difference is made.
