Mental health plagues our society. From statistics taken in 2015, approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S.—43.8 million, or 18.5 percent—experienced mental illness in a given year according to the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI). Though we have nearly one fifth of our population tackling some form of mental illness, NAMI reports that approximately 60 percent of adults, and over half of children ages 8 to 15, receive no treatment for their mental illness.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’re far more comfortable talking about runny noses than we are about mental health problems. The stigma surrounding the words “I have depression” drives some people to ignore their symptoms, defer treatment (sometimes for decades after their symptoms appear), or hide their diagnosis.
When we do recognize mental illness, we only recognize it in a narrow window. We expect those with mental illness to be easily recognizable. People with depression should be unshowered, miserable, and unable to get out of bed. If you have anxiety, you should be constantly freaking out about little things like answering the door or talking to people. Some of us, however, don’t fit within the very narrow mold of mental illness that we have decided to address. Some of us have a 4.0 (or close to it), a thriving social life, a job, and a thriving social life. That’s where the trouble lies.
Amanda Leventhal, in her article on Upworthy entitled “The Danger Of High Functioning Depression As Told By A College Student”, addresses the struggles of living with anxiety and depression and still maintaining a mask that shows people that you’re “normal”. In her case, she stresses the importance of being open about mental illness and how we perceive it: “when we limit our idea of mental illness, at-risk people slip through the cracks”.
Kevin Breel, in his emotional and heartfelt TED Talk, echoes a similar sentiment to Amanda Leventhal about living two lives when you struggle with depression. His friends would describe him as funny, outgoing, and the popular kid that goes to all the parties. But, in Breel’s world, “the truth is, that’s just the life everyone else sees”. For Breel, the most important thing to do is talk about depression, because it is a massive problem in society and it’s a problem we’re content with covering up. He admits it’s no easy feat - he has been struggling with depression for six years and still finds it hard to say those four words: I suffer from depression. The stigma, he says, is very real: “it’s the stigma of others, it’s the shame, it’s the embarrassment… it’s the comments that you’re crazy”. He poses an interesting question: “Would you rather make your next Facebook status say you’re having a tough time getting out of bed because you hurt your back or you’re having a tough time getting out of bed because you’re depressed?” We must be honest, vulnerable, and truthful if we ever hope to stop the ignorance, the intolerance, and the stigma.
In another startlingly honest and satirically funny TED Talk, Ruby Wax talks about her battle with depression over the years. From her stay at an institution, she learned about the stigma of mental illness.“The one thing you get with this disease is a real sense of shame,” she says. Wax echoes Breel’s question when she asks, “how come when people have mental damage it’s an act of imagination?”.
Both Breel and Wax mention shame in their stories, even though the two have more than likely never met. This is an underlying theme is most of the personal stories that people who suffer from depression will tell.
Speaking on vulnerability and shame, Brené Brown spent six years studying how people face shame and vulnerability. Shame, from her perspective, “is understood as the fear of disconnection”. In order to make connections with people, “we have to allow ourselves to be seen”. We have to be vulnerable and authentic. For those of us who struggle with depression every single day, who want to hide behind our other life of perfection and togetherness, vulnerability and authenticity is terrifying. There will be emotions that we can’t numb; there will be uncertainty that we can’t make certain; there will be imperfections that we can’t fix; and there will be a requirement to be honest with ourselves. When we work from a place that says “I am enough”, then we can be kinder and gentler to ourselves.
It is time to be vulnerable, to be honest, and to tell our stories. I hope one day to be as courageous as Kevin Breel in talking about depression and to be willing to talk about vulnerability like Brené Brown. We deserve change and we deserve a world where it’s okay to struggle with mental illness.
If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, anxiety, or any other form of mental illness, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Never be ashamed to reach out and ask for help.
