If you don’t get sick in college at least once you should play the lottery because you are a blessed, rare, lucky, and simply amazing individual who probably is prone to many great fortunes in life. However, for the rest of us normal human beings, here is a process we all know too well.
Stage 1: Every single person you know gets sick.
You try to quarantine yourself, but you live with these people, you eat with these people, you sit with them in class - they’re everywhere!
Stage 2: Your time has come - the dreaded first sneeze.
You knew it - quarantine was impossible. You also know that that first sneeze isn't just any old sneeze either, it is the beginning of the end and you're just sitting there.
Stage 3: You wake up the next morning with a runny nose, a sore throat, no voice, a headache and a third arm.
And you've never regretted anything more than choosing that 8 a.m. math class
Stage 4: You desperately call your mom. But, since you're finally not her problem anymore... Sympathy is low.
“And remember, I love you, honey.”
Stage 5: You stock up on every kind of medicine you can find.
And don’t forget the tissues, there is never enough tissues.
Stage 6: You convince yourself you are definitely dying.
According to
Stage 7: Your mom gets tired of your pathetic texts and tells you to go to the student health center.
"Well, if it's really that bad, you should go get it checked out."
Stage 8: You're actually not dying, so the health center doesn't do much for you.
No one at the Health Center believed you. You leave sicker than when you came and alas, you are empty handed.
Stage 9: You're exiled.
Even your friends know that the Health Center was wrong when they said you were okay. And there’s no way they’re letting you hang out within 20 yards of them with that cough.
Stage 10: You surrender to the illness and hunker down in your bed for what could be a very long time.
A.K.A., you go to bed and don’t ever, ever, leave.
Stage 11: It's miracle, you can breathe through your nose again.
The road to recovery starts today. And then, next flu season, it all starts over again.
