Recently I wrote an article on why I’m not worried about being single. Well, lo and behold, I am no longer single. I wasn’t looking for anything, but sometimes the best things happen when you’re not looking. That’s the key here: don’t really look. You need to be happy by yourself, because how are you ever going to be happy in a relationship if you can’t even make yourself happy. You will depend too much on the other person, leading to an unhealthy relationship that ends in a disaster.

Now, I know the title is about a perfect guy, but there is no such thing. A perfect guy does not exist. Also, you are not perfect. Nobody is. Everyone has their flaws; it’s learning to deal with those flaws that matter. Relationships are about compromise, and coming to a decision that you can handle those flaws and they can handle yours. You are supposed to better one another, not tear each other down. If all you do is tear each other down, you may need to let that person go. They’re supposed to build you up, not break you into a million pieces by picking you apart. Also, you should never judge someone’s past. You will know if they have changed from somebody like a player to a great guy by their actions.

Actions speak louder than words. If a guy introduces you to all of his friends from the beginning, even tells his parents about you, that shows he’s serious about you. If he makes plans with you ahead of time, that shows he wants you involved in his life. He wants you to be there with him, sharing experiences. Granted, you don’t need to spend all of your time together; you should be able to spend some time apart. However, a guy that is serious about you will want everyone to know about you, and you should want everyone to know about him. You can tell your friends, “Hey, there are decent guys out there, you just have to be patient” and then gush about this new guy who puts the other ones you’ve dated to shame so they know there are guys out there that don’t suck.

Just don’t go overboard. We all have someone out there for us, but first, be happy by yourself if you’re single. That’s when the guy you’ve been waiting for will show up. Also, what may be the “perfect” guy for you may not be perfect for others. Everyone has their own mental checklist they check off every time they start dating someone to see if they fit the bill. You just have to be patient to find that person that checks off everything.

Now, most people don’t want to be patient. In our society, we want what we want, and we want it now. However, to get what you truly deserve, you have to wait. You can’t settle or rush into anything. That is a piece of advice that has stuck with me for a long time: never settle. If he drinks too much, doesn’t tell anyone about you, or makes excuses for why he can’t hang out with you for the millionth time, don’t make excuses for him to others. Let him go, because he is not the one for you. If someone wants to change for the better, they can. If someone wants to be with you, they will, so don’t push it. Never settle for someone you know doesn’t deserve you, and that’s true on both sides of the relationship.

My relationship is brand-new, and we’re in the honeymoon phase where we think everything about each other is great. Every relationship goes through this phase. I know one day there will be things he does that drive me crazy, and vice versa. Every relationship goes through that; it’s seeing if you can deal with those things that drive you crazy that matters. It’s talking about those things and letting it be known that helps. You never know what could happen. Perhaps that new guy you’re dating, and checks off everything in that mental checklist you have of a perfect guy could be the one. Maybe not. Maybe you can’t deal with their flaws, maybe you can. Just remember, nobody is perfect, so don’t expect them to be.