The Reality of Abusive Relationships

The Reality of Abusive Relationships

They are not talked about enough, if at all.
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This week, I have invited someone I know to write an article for me! She has wanted to share her story for a very long time, and has not had the opportunity to do so. She wants to stay anonymous, but we both hope you enjoy her story. These are all her words. I find this topic just as important as she does.

Finally out of high school and onto my first day of college. I saw him standing there and I knew my life was going to change. He asked me for my number and I could feel the butterflies. I was excited to be asked on our first date. Which I later would realize would be our only date. We dated for nine months and I convinced myself that I was in love. Seven days before I turned 19, I broke up with him. I didn’t know until I got home but I was in an emotional and physically abusive relationship.

I was stupid, my friends were not good enough, and he controlled my every thought.

I thought that since I had been in an abusive relationship before that I would be able to tell that I had been in one again.

The truth is, this one was different from the other one. This one, lets call him Robert. Robert was amazing. Brought me flowers, told me I was beautiful, and said everything I wanted to hear. For the first month Robert wanted to know what I had done, how my day was, if I had a good night sleep, all a part of the honeymoon phase. But the questions never ended. Robert got jealous of my best friend whom I had been friends with since diapers. If I talked to any male, I would hear about it. But I would tell myself, its ok, he got cheated on in his last relationship, he just needs more reassurance and trust.

I rarely ever saw him.

Things changed in our second semester of college. His friend hit me. A guy who easily weighs 50 pounds more than me hit me. It felt like a freight train. Robert did nothing about it. However, when we were at a concert, a guy we didn’t know pushed me, and Robert went to my defense. He only got protective of me because a stranger was encroaching his territory. His friend was not because his friend knew who I “belonged” to.

I broke up with him because he looked at me dead in the eyes and said, “When you do that it makes me want to hit you.” I was livid. All I did was correct him on how to say something properly.

“Jason”, the one before Robert, he was the stereotypical bad boy that every girl has an encounter with in her life. We had loved each other for six years and we were finally able to do something about it. Until I found out I wasn’t the only one he was seeing.

He always told me I was his number one and that he knew once he dated me he was done dating. We had planned our future. But he would never be with me, but he always gave me some sort of hope. He said we couldn’t be together because of my anxiety and because he couldn’t trust the guys I would go to school with.

It was my fault that we couldn’t be together, my diagnosed severe anxiety.

He told me that if I talked to any other guy while I was talking to him that he would leave me and never talk to me again. But if he talked to a girl or even dated her while he was with me, it was ok. I thought I deserved this. I thought this was my worth.

We were on and off for a year. My depression worsened when I was with him. I became the person I never wanted to become. I ended things July of 2015. I recently got back into contact with him and I was finally able to get the closure I truly deserved.

Emotional abuse is not always seen. It starts out perfect because why would you go out with someone who says on the first date “I want to hit you”. In reality you wouldn’t. You would go out with the person who brought you flowers and told you ‘you were his number one and always will be’. Emotional abuse increases over time: it starts out with little comments and escalates to controlling behavior.

It turns out that I am worth so much more than what Robert and Jason made me feel. I deserve to be loved the way I love.

Cover Image Credit: Picture Quotes

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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My 'Boyfriend Standards' List Hasn't Changed Since I Was 14, And Thank God For That

And I found a man that matches every one of them.

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When I was a freshman in high school, I bought my first journal and the first thing I did in it was write down a pretty extensive list of everything a man who wanted to date me had to possess.

Call me picky, call me extra, but I'd say it was one of the smartest things I did as a fourteen year old. Not only did it make me sit down and actually think about what I desired in a partner but it also made me acknowledge what my time, love, and attention was worth. Throughout high school I didn't date a single guy.

First year of college I met a guy, we were best friends, everyone convinced us we'd be so cute together, so we dated.

But not for long. He met a couple of my standards but definitely not all of them. I was really just an excited freshman who said, "why not go for it? We're already best friends!?" After we broke up, I dug out my now 4 year old journal and opened up to the first page. I read down the list and realized how none of those desires changed and how far he was from the list as a whole. I decided to stick to the list until I came across a man who embodied every bullet point.

- Christian/Catholic

- Sense of Humor

- Cares about personal appearance and hygiene

- Caring and selfless

- Athletic

- Smart

- Responsible

- Someone I'm able to completely open up to

- Chaste

- Sweet and loving

- Someone who treats me like the best and most precious gift from God

- Someone who never fails to make me laugh, smile, and enjoy life.

- Someone who prays with me

- Someone who never fails to amaze me with the way he cares for others and teaches others

- Someone who leads me closer to God

- Goofy

- Understanding

- Pursues me every day

Kinda well thought out huh? Kinda also really long huh? Like there's no way someone could match all of my boyfriend requirements right? Wrong. When you hold to your worth and demand nothing less, when you cling to Christ and pray that He reads your hearts desires, and when you let Him take control, he'll prove His perfect plan and providence in unlikely ways.

I found a man who is God fearing and a truth seeker.

A man who has the goofiest most dad-joke sense of humor ever. Someone who always looks presentable (maybe that's the Marines in him). A man who is so caring and selfless time and time again. Someone who is athletic and who I can compete with at the gym. Someone who has wisdom and is smart and responsible. I found a man who I can open up to and let all of my guards down. Someone who seeks a chaste life and relationship with me. A man who is sweet and loving and who respects me and holds me up as a daughter of the King. Someone who makes me laugh the most, even in inappropriate scenarios. A man that will pray with me and for me. I found a man who constantly looks out for others, lends a helping hand, and wills to educate those he can.

He leads me closer to Christ daily, understands me better than anyone, and pursues me day in and day out.

I didn't know this man existed almost 8 years ago when I first wrote out this list. But my standards didn't waiver, and if they did, the relationship failed. Holding to this list made me hold onto hope that the desires in my heart were not only mine, they were Christ's for me as well.

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