The Reality of Abusive Relationships

The Reality of Abusive Relationships

They are not talked about enough, if at all.

This week, I have invited someone I know to write an article for me! She has wanted to share her story for a very long time, and has not had the opportunity to do so. She wants to stay anonymous, but we both hope you enjoy her story. These are all her words. I find this topic just as important as she does.

Finally out of high school and onto my first day of college. I saw him standing there and I knew my life was going to change. He asked me for my number and I could feel the butterflies. I was excited to be asked on our first date. Which I later would realize would be our only date. We dated for nine months and I convinced myself that I was in love. Seven days before I turned 19, I broke up with him. I didn’t know until I got home but I was in an emotional and physically abusive relationship.

I was stupid, my friends were not good enough, and he controlled my every thought.

I thought that since I had been in an abusive relationship before that I would be able to tell that I had been in one again.

The truth is, this one was different from the other one. This one, lets call him Robert. Robert was amazing. Brought me flowers, told me I was beautiful, and said everything I wanted to hear. For the first month Robert wanted to know what I had done, how my day was, if I had a good night sleep, all a part of the honeymoon phase. But the questions never ended. Robert got jealous of my best friend whom I had been friends with since diapers. If I talked to any male, I would hear about it. But I would tell myself, its ok, he got cheated on in his last relationship, he just needs more reassurance and trust.

I rarely ever saw him.

Things changed in our second semester of college. His friend hit me. A guy who easily weighs 50 pounds more than me hit me. It felt like a freight train. Robert did nothing about it. However, when we were at a concert, a guy we didn’t know pushed me, and Robert went to my defense. He only got protective of me because a stranger was encroaching his territory. His friend was not because his friend knew who I “belonged” to.

I broke up with him because he looked at me dead in the eyes and said, “When you do that it makes me want to hit you.” I was livid. All I did was correct him on how to say something properly.

“Jason”, the one before Robert, he was the stereotypical bad boy that every girl has an encounter with in her life. We had loved each other for six years and we were finally able to do something about it. Until I found out I wasn’t the only one he was seeing.

He always told me I was his number one and that he knew once he dated me he was done dating. We had planned our future. But he would never be with me, but he always gave me some sort of hope. He said we couldn’t be together because of my anxiety and because he couldn’t trust the guys I would go to school with.

It was my fault that we couldn’t be together, my diagnosed severe anxiety.

He told me that if I talked to any other guy while I was talking to him that he would leave me and never talk to me again. But if he talked to a girl or even dated her while he was with me, it was ok. I thought I deserved this. I thought this was my worth.

We were on and off for a year. My depression worsened when I was with him. I became the person I never wanted to become. I ended things July of 2015. I recently got back into contact with him and I was finally able to get the closure I truly deserved.

Emotional abuse is not always seen. It starts out perfect because why would you go out with someone who says on the first date “I want to hit you”. In reality you wouldn’t. You would go out with the person who brought you flowers and told you ‘you were his number one and always will be’. Emotional abuse increases over time: it starts out with little comments and escalates to controlling behavior.

It turns out that I am worth so much more than what Robert and Jason made me feel. I deserve to be loved the way I love.

Cover Image Credit: Picture Quotes

Popular Right Now

17 Empowering Bible Verses For Women

You go, girl.

We all have those days where we let the negative thoughts that we're "not good enough," "not pretty enough" or "not smart enough" invade our minds. It's easy to lose hope in these situations and to feel like it would be easier to just give up. However, the Bible reminds us that these things that we tell ourselves are not true and it gives us the affirmations that we need. Let these verses give you the power and motivation that you're lacking.

1. Proverbs 31:25

"She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."

2. Psalm 46:5

"God is within her, she will not fall."

3. Luke 1:45

"Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her."

4. Proverbs 31:17

"She is energetic and strong, a hard worker."

5. Psalm 28:7

"The Lord is my strength and my shield."

6. Proverbs 11:16

"A gracious woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth."

7. Joshua 1:9

"Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

8. Proverbs 31:30

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised."

9. 1 Corinthians 15:10

"By the grace of God, I am what I am."

10. Proverbs 31:26

"When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."

11. Psalm 139:14

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

12. 1 Peter 3:3-4

"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

13. Colossians 2:10

"And in Christ you have been brought to fullness."

14. 2 Timothy 1:7

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

15. Jeremiah 29:11

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"

16. Exodus 14:14

"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm."

17. Song of Songs 4:7

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way."

Next time you're feeling discouraged or weak, come back to these verses and use them to give you the strength and power that you need to conquer your battles.

Cover Image Credit: Julia Waterbury

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

If She Can't Tell You How She Feel Then It's Her Fault If She Is Upset

We aren't mind readers, its not our fault if you get upset for me not knowing how you feel.


Be vocal.

Feeling hurt? Feel betrayed? Or, that someone is pushing you around? Step up and say something. If you remain silence for months on end and then one day explode, then sorry.

That is on you, not me.

Having a relationship is all about communication. That means you discuss your feelings. You listen and exchange conversation. If you are unable to communicate about how you feel, it's not the other person's fault. You had months to explain how you felt. Instead, you sat there in silence. You can't expect someone to hold your hand and walk you through your problems. If you are feeling hurt, you need to step up and say something. It's not their fault you kept your feelings silenced. A relationship without communication is destined to die. And if you can't express how you feel to them you have already nailed the confine closed.

A relationship goes two ways. It's about building and growing together.

If someone is unable to properly communicate their feelings, then how is that relationship going to grow. People need to step up and say how they feel.

Got something to say? Say it.

Staying in the silence isn't going to help anyone. It's not going to help your hurt feelings or fix the situation. Chances are, the other person in the relationship doesn't even know what is going on. Say something. Speak up. Want to change the situation? Make the first step. A relationship is about growing together. If you can't give the person the chance to grow through a mistake then the relationship was never a true one. You can't expect someone to be perfect all the time. You need to understand that people make mistakes and if you are truly invested in the relationship, you would stand up and say something.

People are not mind readers. It doesn't matter who started it.

They said something that hurt you? Say something about it. The situation won't change. So, don't expect to sit around and watch the situation change. You could what changes a bad situation for others. But if you stand there acting all innocent or quite, guess what. You are the one in the end to blame. Not them. They did nothing wrong at the end, because you nailed that confine shut when you decided not to speak up. Don't proceed to attack them about it. Be open. Be honest.

Staying quiet isn't going to change the situation.

So don't yell and cry when things don't work out.

Related Content

Facebook Comments