Despite popular opinion, there are men out there who want to be husbands and fathers. But what causes a man to reach that point? Does he wake up one day and see the light? Or does he meet Mrs. Right and it flips on like a light switch?
I have read many articles about men and commitment, in addition to numerous interviews, and one thing seems to remain synonymous: men are not scared of commitment - they are scared of what happens once they do so.
So why are men so hesitant to commit? Here are the top 5 answers from the men I surveyed, ages 23-45*.
Society and Hollywood are the biggest inhibitors of commitment. This may sound a bit extreme, but hear me out. How many times have you and your significant other sat down to watch Netflix and the show portrays some form of cheating? Whether it be sexual, emotional, or even flirting that went just a little too far, it's plastered everywhere.
How many videos have you watched on Facebook glorifying the position of being a "side hoe?" Hollywood and society have not necessarily glorified cheating, but instead, it has been normalized by society. Due to the normalization of this activity, it is no longer frowned upon and causes the normal boundaries of the relationship to be tested. 4 out of 5 men agree that socially normalized cheating has an influence on whether or not they will commit.
The following are the top 4 reasons that YOU are keeping your man from committing.
1. There is such a thing as "too independent"
Women in society today are under fire - we have to bring something to the table, not just show up and eat. Independent women keep society moving forward, however, there is a point when being independent becomes unattractive.
Men have an instinctual need to feel needed and that they have a purpose. I know that I can open that stupid pickle jar, but if I ask my man to do it, he feels strong and needed - see where I am going with this? Women who make it known that they - and I quote - “don’t need a man” will end up with just that: no man.
2. Homemaking is a dying art
Unanimously, across the board, every man I spoke to said that homemaking skills are involved in the decision to commit. These skills have greatly diminished among women since World War II. During this time, women were forced to go to work and keep the economy moving while the men were off fighting the war.
Today, the majority of women cannot sew a button on a shirt. My mom always said, "The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach." Men enjoy being taken care of and served by their significant others. The ability to cook, clean, sew, grow a garden, etc. are very attractive qualities to a man, and 5 out of 5 claims it influences their decision to commit.
3. The "hoe phase"
The majority of men and women go through a "hoe phase." This is the phase of your life where you're out with your friends, drinking, partying, and making crap decisions. You have either been through it or know someone who went through it. It hits people at different times in life - the early twenties, sometimes thirties... Either way, no man wants to commit to a woman going through this.
This being said, no man wants a bar rat either. Going out and having a good time every once in a while is great, and I'm not speaking for every man here, but the majority of men do not want to commit to a woman whose reputation is "the party girl."
4. The reporter
You know the girl I'm talking about. The one that has to double check every text and invitation in her group chat. We get it, you have girlfriends and their opinions matter - but too much is going to damage your relationship.
I tell my best friend almost everything, but at the end of the day, no matter what she says I’m going to make my own decisions. Your man knows that your girls matter to you, but too much of them is going to push him away in the end.
If looking for marriage-minded men has left you wondering where all the good guys are hiding, know that your search isn’t in vain. If you ask the right questions and date with intention, the topic of commitment will happen naturally!
*All statistics derived from a survey that I personally conducted
