Scientists categorize us as homo-sapiens because we are all one human species, right? However, we are the type of species that splits into two subspecies based on birth: a male that is born with a penis, and a female that is born with a… “hole” (you should never use the name it is actually called because apparently it’s wrong and no one should know that you have it). Aside from the fact that they are slightly anatomically different, we are all treated the same socially, economically, and politically, right?! But from my years of existing in this non-judgmental group called society, I’m just going to list down a few of the very minute differences I found between men and women that are totally not important:
1. Men are stronger than women.
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should a man ever appear to shed a tear or show any other emotion aside from being brave. It’s okay for a woman to show any emotion when encountered in a scary situation, not because of something stupid like human nature, but because she is a little weakling with no other purpose but to wait for a man to save her, just like in the movies. But God forbid that a man ever breaks a sweat when doing so. He should just use the bulging muscles every man has, as all men have to have muscles to be deemed a true man. I heard rumors that, for the most part, women can be as strong as men because they are both humans or something like that, but society tells me that women can never attain that kind of strength so I’m just going to listen to them because everybody else seems to.
2. Women are always PMS-ing.
Men, aren’t you so annoyed of women constantly PMS-ing? It’s not like PMS stands for Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, indicating that it has and always will happen BEFORE women have their period. I mean who cares if biology shows that women menstruate about once per month: they are always PMS-ing! We should just learn from men to keep our hormones under control, because they are totally in control of their hormones. I love it when guys ask me if I’m PMS-ing because it makes my mood so much better knowing that they are concerned about how I’m feeling. I’m sure they must know how it feels to bleed out of a hole from five to seven days non-stop every month along with cramps, nausea, fatigue, pimples, and extreme cravings.
3. Men have to make the first move.
Guys, this is clearly not the 21st century: a man must always initiate everything before a woman. Don’t ever give women the chance to talk for themselves or even add you on Facebook before you do. Don’t you want her to think that you are macho and cocky? Because, trust me, girls are so attracted to guys that act like they should be grateful a man asked them out. Women also love it when men creepily message them on any social media accounts asking if they are “down to FaceTime” or that we are “banging” as their first move; it totally turns women on. However, it’s a total turn-off when a woman asks a man out. In what world is that even acceptable in, 2016?!
4. All men are douche-bags.
There’s not a single nice guy in the universe as women used their strong and independent opinions that state that women have to believe every man is a douche, and why shouldn’t they? I mean how dare a man get annoyed at answering selfless questions women sometimes ask, such as “Well don’t you think I look pretty?” and, my personal favorite, “Do I look fat in this dress?” It’s not like he also spent time getting ready as well and is already going out with his girl because he loves her, that’s just stupid. I mean it’s very “feminist” of some women to blame men for all the problems women have to face, yet keeping some very minor non-sexist traditions such as men paying for a $10,000 engagement ring, no big deal. Men should just casually spend a huge chunk of hard-earned money on a ring, but if it isn’t the cut that she wanted or the way that she wanted to be proposed, she is definitely entitled to label you as a douche.
