Have you ever cried before? I know I have. The pain that comes when you want to throw it all away and give up. The pain that comes where you must be patient and be hopeful. The pain that comes when you are hanging on by a string. The pain that comes when you give your all and it is not enough. The pain you get when you always end up giving your full effort and it is in vain. The pain you get when you think your a failure who can not succeed. The pain that comes when you are leaning over the sink crying because you failed. The pain of spitting mucus into the sink. The pain that comes when your heart is racing and bumping up and down. The pain you get when you are choking and can barely breath. The pain you get when you feel weak, tears dripping down your clothes. Your eyes water up and they get red, you feel like they are burning like lava. Your face gets red and you feel yourself burning up by the second. You conceal your face so no one sees you. The pain you get when you let yourself down and your family. The pain you get when you feel like you can not go on anymore. It's you crying with your hands on your face. The tribulations of a young man continue.

Why do we cry? What is the reason, how can something that feels so bad exist? I don't know. Crying could be there for us to help console us. Either can be tears of joy or tears of sadness. It has been many months since I ever cried and noticed it tends to get more difficult over time, but this streak broke this week. I put so much stress on myself and pressure. Over the week, I got my grades back from college, I was hoping for all As and high Bs, but ended up being short getting low Bs and low As. My dream was to become a lawyer and be able to attend law school, although due to my grades and overall GPA, unfortunately I will not be able to go anymore. It is sad to say, but I gave my all and tried my hardest and it was not good enough. Hopefully, when I graduate school I can find something else to pursue and get another degree. My ambitions and drive are not destroyed by any means. I will continue to work hard and get good grades and graduate college, ending my historic streak. I did not do what I set out to do, but it is all right. Maybe it just was not meant to be. It was not in the cards. My chances might be slim, but I will still not give up, even though in a pit of my soul I want too. It is never good to give up and I have come so far and from so much to just throw it all away now.

Sometimes you can try your best and still be able to come up short. It seems to be just a part of life. One shortcoming or failure ends up being alright because something else can open up. Other opportunities will open up. I have noticed that with each shortcoming or failure that occurs something else can open up. I continue to learn more and more about myself each and every day. The adversity of my everyday youthful life will continue. What I really learned about myself is that it is okay to not accomplish all your goals that you wanted too. We are all human, we make mistakes and unfortunately come up short in everyday situations. From each mistake someone can learn from them and become stronger. It is okay to be sad and cry when you are a man. If someone tells me that I am weak because I cried, they are wrong. Society tends to have some harsh views about how you should act being a man. Sometimes it is good to release sadness and frustration out by crying. It is a part of everyday human life and we must not hide our emotions all the time. I have a lot of passion and can not help myself to express it. It is not good to bottle everything inside for a long time. I might have lost my attainable lifelong goal, but I realized more about myself. My future is still bright as I strive to learn and forgive myself. I realize that I am not a failure because I could not accomplish my one goal. I was not able to attain my dream, but other dreams open up. It could have been a sign that it just not was meant for me, something greater is in my reach. I asked my mother if I was indeed a failure, where she stated, "No, I am more proud of you than ever before." Life tends to not be fair or perfect and neither are we as humans. Life does not always go the way we want it too. Everything will be alright in due time and everything will work out. I will not let the shortcomings in my life define me, but I will let my working through the shortcomings and passion define my existence.