Most days I wish I could mute my thoughts for a while, sit and enjoy the quiet. I want to be able to focus on one thing and get it done. I have a dozen craft projects I have started and stopped thinking I would finish them one day. I want to cook dinner without looking like a lost squirrel running around my kitchen and then forgetting why I am in there.
I was diagnosed with adult ADD; my mind is like a playlist on constant repeat. It takes so much out of me to make it through the day, to try to remember everything that needs to be done. I wake up with good intentions of getting things accomplished, and then I see something on TV, or Facebook, that distracts me and I immerse myself in it for hours without realizing it. I have stayed up all night making a background for my computer. I couldn't stop the thoughts for some reason. I had to do this, and it had to be a certain way. Once I was done with that, I saw a flyer that had those planners you can get all kinds of stuff for and be so creative, like I could concentrate on that, but before I knew it two more hours had passed.
My husband doesn't understand how I cannot just simply go to sleep, or why I can't get all my schoolwork done while the kids are at school. I wish I could do that. I wish I didn't have one hundred thoughts in my head at one time. I honestly hate when I can't stay focused and get anything of importance done. I feel like I have no control over my mind, it goes where it wants and I am just there for the ride.
Going back to college has been a huge test of my strength and ability to keep myself focused on getting my work done, and turned in on time. Some days I struggle more than others, it feels like a constant battle to keep focused on one thing when something off the wall pops into my head. I am determined to get the degree I set out to get, no matter what may be holding me back.
I am also a mom to three kids, and as any mother knows, this can be challenging by itself without attention problems. When everyone wants to tell me things at one time and my mind is on something else I go into sensory overload. It's like trying to stuff things into an already overflowing box, there will not be a good outcome.
My ADD is a big challenge that I must face every day and I can never let it get me down. I have to take everything one day at a time and leave myself reminders when I am thinking of it. No matter how my brain is functioning, I am still a wife, a mother, and a student. Those three things keep me determined to stay focused. I may forget what I am doing many times during the day, get distracted by any little thing, but I will never keep trying to find ways to stay on track.
