THE NEW YORK TIMES, SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 , 2016
36 Hours
Male College Dormitory
While most tourists would never consider vacationing in a male college dormitory (let alone, a college), some people -- teen-agers, athletes, and [aspiring] political scientists -- call Room 321 their home. Amid the charming flag of Jamaica hanged on the wall and the mountains of unfolded laundry (which makes for excellent hiking), Room321 is dotted with rich culinary works, nightlife -- and mold.
It’s history is vibrant and so is its wifi. While Room321 only has a population of three (a population who call themselves ‘dank-Squad’, which translates to ‘jolly-mates’), it nevertheless merits a place on the bucket list of every world traveler.
Friday
3 P.M. MI CASA ES SU CASA
Room 321 is particularly alluring in September. Start the weekend by meeting one of the warm residents named Matthew -- or Matt, as he prefers. As you enter, your five senses are immediately stimulated, but caution the basketball and the Zümmies Penny board habituated on the floor. Matt, who is particularly hospitable, will invite you to muse in his “Call of Duty” games. Respectfully decline the offer -- as to free up time to explore -- in Matt’s native tongue by saying:
“Nawh (man/bruh), but thaanks tho.”
9 P.M. FRATERNIZING
Friday evenings are a special treat for nightlife aficionados. The room’s living space becomes a hub of music, dance, and socializing. Swaths of people from other dormitoires migrate to room 321 for mingling. But do watch out for a group known as Freshmen, who can easily be spotted by their ostentatious attire and makeup, and their propensity to stare at their cell-phones.
Saturday
11 A.M. SLEEPING
The zenful people of Room 321 start their Saturdays early with sleeping. If their style of meditation do not appeal to the ambitious traveller, perhaps reviewing photos of your ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend -- Jacques -- on Face-book for two hours would also provide for excellent mindfulness.
4 P.M. LES GALERIES DES BEAUX ARTES
Some of the greatest collection of art are found in Room 321. Feast your eyes on a wide range of works from galleries across Europe and America (except Europe). Draw your attention to Livid Man With Glasses, which depicts an angry Wälter White from the American television show about a schoolteacher, Breaking Bad.
If melodramatic TV characters are not of taste, you will appreciate Madonna and Ford Mustang. The work is a Jeux-d’art on the Early Renaissance works depicting Mary and Jesus, but with a twist: a revealing mother Mary wears a bikini on front of a symbol of a baby Jesus Christ (depicted as a Ford Mustang).
9 P.M. AN ODE TO FRIENDS
For those traveling with families, the citizens of Room 321 hold an evening of family-fun entertainment vis-à-vis NetFlix. Tonight Matt and another citizen, Tyler, decide upon a television show “Friends,” which is an American comedy depicting an ensemble of proletarians, or “friends,” and their follies as they strive for the American Dream. This was truly a memorable evening, one which busy adults and little tykes alike will enjoy.
Sunday
9 A.M. CONSTELLATION OF FLAVORS
The hospitable residents -- or Brian -- will prepare a continental breakfast that is a treat to all tastebuds. This morning it was scrambled eggs and Buffalo wings à la Microwave, a mosaic of sauced fried chicken from the night Brian’s fraternity held a fundraiser at O’Flannigan’s three weeks ago.
Noon BEAUTYREST
For the people of Room321, meditation is part of their nature and heritage. If the naps aren’t your thing, your ex-girlfriend has just uploaded photos of her and Jacques on vacation in the Hamptons.
11:59 P.M. PROCRASTINATION NATION
Maybe it’s the hustle and bustle or perhaps it's the colorful culture of Room321, but there is something intoxicating in its air [that smells of burning leaves]. Room321 will be missed, and I already look forward to coming back.
Tonight, celebrate the conclusion of your vacation with a national ritual: Blackboard Deadlines. The people of Room321 frolic in intense focus, as they write the 8th page of a 15-page term-paper that is due in fifty-three seconds. One of the residents, Tyler, has even sent his professor an email justifying his not being able to reach a deadline. His line of reasoning: family emergency (twist: there was no family emergency).
Correction: October 1, 2016
The 36 Hours Column on September 10th, about vacationing in Room321, contained this error: the residents are not aspiring political scientists. Properly, they prefer the term "International Affairs major," a distinction which this editorial staff has had --and still has -- trouble distinguishing.
