As you read the title of this article multiple things I'm sure come to mind thinking what 'C' exactly means. Unfortunately, the 'C' doesn't stand for cupcakes or comedy, it's actually nothing in those amusing or exciting categories. The 'C' in this article stands for cancer and in more ways than one I am sure it has impacted each of our individual lives differently.
My family has always been relatively healthy. We ate our fruits and vegetables, exercised regularly and got check-ups constantly to ensure we could continue living long and fulfilling lives. I always heard cancer thrown around but thought my family was indestructible too it. My friends and family before this hadn't been horribly affected with the disease, so the negativity brought along with cancer is something I couldn't exactly wrap my head around and still can't to this day.
In 2011, my nana was diagnosed with an aggressive stage four cancer throughout her entire body. After being by her side through her entire three and a half year fight I have a whole new understanding for not only the humans in general, but every person who is fighting this disgusting disease. When it comes to the subject of my nana my mind instantly goes into child mode. I reminisce on my amazing childhood and all the memories we had together. She not only inspired me to grow up and be successful, but strive to be as genuine as I could possibly be. It may sound cheesy and lovey dovey, but my nana was one of the most perfect human beings in my eyes to walk on this planet. I inspire to do everything she has; travel, have a life-long group of friends and live every moment in life to its fullest. If I could even be half the person she was, I know I would be okay with getting by in life.
In December 2011, I received one of the most traumatic phone calls and to this day can remember it word for word. I was just entering high school and was your typical young teenager feeling on top of the world, so innocent and hidden from the world. My mom was on the other line as I picked up; she was cold, short and could barley put words together. I had learned my nana had a seizure at the gym (yes, she was a badass in her 70's lifting weights). Nobody knew why or how, but that she was taken away in an ambulance to the nearest hospital. With further investigation and the wonderful care of her medical team, we had found out the seizure happen because she had a malignant tumor on part of her brain. She went through an extensive brain surgery to remove the tumor, later we found out the cancer was through her entire body including her lungs, blood and lymph nodes. The laugh of it was my grandma didn't care about the extent of the surgery, she was more concerned about her head having to be shaved. I am telling you, this woman lived to have the best hair in small town Discovery Bay, California where she lived. Surgery was a piece of cake in her eyes, but hearing the words "shaved head" sent her through the roof. My nana was always a perfectionist, through her entire disease she always had to look the best and be as stylish as possible, this is something that made her so unique.
I've never seen something more physically and mentally demanding than cancer. I remember when I left for college in August and returned in December in 2014, my nana had lost about 20 pounds and was fragile to the touch. At that point, I quickly learned how tolling cancer can really be on an individual. She was mentally tough, but I knew she constantly battled inside her head on every level as her disease progressed. She was scared and I don't blame her, day to day you don't know what it could hold for you. I literally watched the life get sucked out of a beautiful woman. I think having my family surround her continuously with positive thoughts and good vibes is what motivated her to fight so long. She went through countless rounds of chemotherapy and radiation for her disease, it was a never ending juggle finding what worked for her body as her cancer was aggressive as it could get.
From the day she was diagnosed, to the day I was holding her hand on her death bed I will vividly always remember every step of the way. I always admired my nana for basically everything she was about. I have never met a more hard working woman with the most stubborn attitude and prettiest smile. I still question to this day why something so horrible broke down such a wonderful human being, a true queen. I have a debating relationship with God and always question why my nana isn't here anymore. The doctors gave her about six months to live, my nana fought a long three and a half year battle with cancer. I am so fortunate she was able to fight all the way to the end, the additional time I got with her is something I can cherish forever. I wish I could have one more moment with her and relive our last conversation, but I know she is in a better place and out of pain. Nobody should ever have to watch someone close to them go through this, it's truly one of the most grueling diseases someone could ever get.
I was fortunate enough that my nana was alive to watch me graduate high school. She was always about big life events and cherishing the special moment that it truly was. She always told my sister and me, "I will live long enough to watch you girls get married and have a family". Although she couldn't make it to fulfill this, I live everyday to make her proud and know she is always watching over me.
The word cancer to me is something that is not in my dictionary. It's not only nasty and sickening, but ruins the lives of some amazing people just like my nana. I praise God everyday, to take care of her and bless me with her good grace. What puts me at ease is knowing my nana truly lived life to the fullest and knew she was surrounded with so much love before her passing. I'll never fully understand why my nana was taken for me, but I know she has a spot for me upstairs right next to her whenever my time comes.
