Lately, my heart has been a bit heavy as I continue to have one certain person on my mind. A person that helped raise me into becoming the woman that I am now, which makes me feel extremely grateful.
You never realize what you completely have until it truly is gone and that's when it hit me the worst. We grow up with a safety net of the familiar faces, sounds and smells. It's a feeling that we assume we will always have, but as time goes on it tends to fade without our permission.
You never know a grandma that doesn't brush your hair, hold you when you are sick, feed you when you are hungry and love you unconditionally. You think there will always be the familiarity of her cooking, her smile and even the times when she would get frustrated. But I have had to teach myself over the last year that we don't have the luxury of holding on to the people we love.
What doesn't make sense to me is the way cancer attacks the people we love the most; the way it takes over their body and takes away what little time we have left. You have someone take care of you when you are sick, but when the time comes to take care of them, there is absolutely nothing you can do.
I'll never see you sitting on your front porch, I'll never hear you humming songs to yourself and I'll never see you doing your crossword puzzles again. Something that drives me crazy, something that breaks me into a thousand little pieces.
You will never watch me walk down the aisle, see me graduate college and you won't be there if I have children.
People say our loved ones come back to watch over us in the form of a cardinal, and if that's true, then sometimes I see you. I see you in my dreams, I see you in the small things that tend to remind me of you.
So to end this, here is a beautiful Bible verse that puts my heart at ease.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." — Revelation 21:4
This one is for you Mamaw Kay. I love you.