"I was standing alone when I noticed him across the room - laughing and talking with friends. We'd only ever spoken a few times, so I was caught off guard when he came over and started talking to me.
I'd never been one of those girls who flirted easily and seemed to get any guy she wanted. I'd always been one of the quiet girls - the ones who stayed in the background and rarely got a second glance. I wondered why this time was different and why a guy like that would ever be interested in talking to me, but I also welcomed the newfound attention.
We talked for a while and the alcohol in my system gave me the confidence I'd always wanted; I felt comfortable carrying on our conversation and even flirting with him the way others girls would. We ended up walking away from the party for a little bit, still talking as much as before, when after a moment of silence he asked if he could kiss me. Against my usual judgment, I said yes.
Later, when he said we could go back to his place, I first let him know my limits so he couldn't possibly expect anything more from me. He agreed right away, saying he felt the same way and that he wasn't looking to go farther. Hearing this, I felt comfortable enough to let him come home with me instead.
Things were going fine and he was being respectful, but he quickly forgot the limits I'd set - the ones he'd agreed to - and continued to go further.
He may not have realized in the moment that he'd crossed the line, but that didn't change the fact that he had. It didn't make me feel any less disgusting afterward.
I couldn't wait for him to leave and once he did, I immediately tore the sheets off my bed and took a shower. I did everything I could to erase any trace of him.
But it didn't matter how much I cleaned my room, because it wasn't enough to get rid of the mark he left on me."
When most people think of sexual assault or rape, they think of a violent situation; they automatically think the victim was left with prominent physical scars. However, stories like this one - ones that don't include a definite power struggle - still fall into the same category of assault because of one thing: the absence of consent.
Although there are plenty of posters and programs out there to educate people about what counts as assault, we're not as familiar with assault that can occur in the absence of a yes or no and without clear violence. This can cause some people, especially young women, to wonder if they have a right to consider a situation similar to the one above assault.
"The degree of violence involved and the length of time do not designate the significance of a situation."
Whether it happened in a matter of minutes or longer, or if the victim walks away with internal scars but none on the surface, a victim is a victim because he or she was disrespected and violated. The girl in this story may have been lucky in one way because she didn't experience the violence we typically hear about with sexual assault, but the fact remains that she did not say she was okay with going further. The guy may not have intended to hurt her, but he was wrong to push ahead without asking. It was wrong of him to forget the limits she'd set and assume she'd be okay with anything else.
Whether you're casually hooking up with someone or in a committed relationship, it is vital to make sure you have open communication and that both you and your partner are on the same page about what is and isn't okay.
Be respectful and have the common decency to take the other person's feelings and boundaries seriously. Only then can you both have a positive experience.
