Dear Dad,

Or whatever I've been calling you nowadays. I hope you are doing well. More than that, however, I hope you have found happiness even when it seemed like your job to make others miserable. As much as I hate myself for it, I can't bring myself to wish ill will upon you because that's not who I am. Through all the struggles we have faced both together and apart, I've learned some of my most valuable life lessons. Ultimately, I want to thank you for who I am today.

Thank you for trying to mold me into your ideal daughter.

Looking back on my childhood, all I can remember is being told what I did and did not want to do. For some time, I even believed you. I thought that dancing was stupid because it took up all my time. I hated playing softball because it took up the weekends I could have been spending with you. Dressing up was out of the cards because I was inherently a tomboy, right? Wrong. After taking a step back I realized how much being involved in all these things meant to me and my future. I even learned that while gym shorts and a t-shirt are typically my go-to, nothing feels better than dressing up, doing your hair, and even putting on makeup just for a few hours. Through years of being pushed to be something I wasn't, I somehow found myself and who I aspired to be.

Thank you for teaching me that sometimes you can only depend on yourself.

Throughout life you will find people who lift you up and want the best for you today and you in the future. Similarly, you will also find people who make it their mission to tear you down when you could be on cloud nine. Both are inevitable. In many parts of my life, you played both of those roles for me. There were days where you seemed like Superman in my eyes and there were days where you seemed like the Joker. Through it all, I had to learn not to depend on the moods and actions of others because that's unpredictable and often times not good enough to count on. Instead of waiting for hours on end for you to pick me up for the weekend, because you said you'd be there at 5 and not 8; I decided to make myself happy and do whatever it was that would make my life better. Despite the fluidity of people and their actions, I will always have myself.

Thank you for allowing me to appreciate the value of growing up with a strong mother.

You constantly made my mother out to be the devil, and rightly so. She broke your heart and took your kids away from you, as you would put it, so why shouldn't she get a bad rep? The difference in growing up with one parent instead of two speaks volumes, especially when it's done successfully. My mom is the strongest person I know both for leaving you and continuing to try and find happiness for her and her kids. Instead of idolizing the guy you sometimes could be for a few hours on the weekends, I learned to admire the mother she consistently was and still is because without her I would be nothing. For all I know, I would be on the streets somewhere had she stayed and let you play your games. I am forever grateful for growing up with one strong parent instead of two average parents.

Thank you for teaching me what I don't want in a life partner.

Let's be honest, someone who comes and goes is disposable but someone who sticks around through the good, bad, and ugly is one in a million. I watched you bring home whoever you wanted for awhile, and screwing up your chances with those one in a million people. As fun as that life seems, you've helped me decide that I'd rather hold out for that one in a million person rather than waste my breath with disposables who will stick around for a few months. I want someone who will not only be a great partner to enjoy life with, but also someone who appreciates our future kids in a way that you couldn't appreciate your present-day kids. While many people say you marry someone who is similar to your dad, I will make sure to do the exact opposite.

Thank you for not being around.

I'll admit, there have been times where not having you around has sucked. Between dance competitions, volleyball games, and even high school graduation; I sometimes wished you could be there just so I could feel like I've made you proud. But looking back, I've come to understand that you were never really there and that is easier to deal with now that you're not here at all. There's something different about having someone who chooses to just not show up to things, than someone who just isn't around in the slightest bit. I'd prefer you a memory of the past because that's where you're best to be. I've grown up to become a wonderful person who has high goals and aspirations for herself and her future family. I'm not sure I would feel the same way if I had you to still pull me down when it was best for you. I enjoy who I am today, and I made it here without you. For that, I thank you.

With sincerest gratitude,

Your Daughter