I miss you, and I will continue to miss you for the rest of my time on this Earth.
When I was the young age of 5 years old, I met an incredibly annoying red haired boy. He was everything I disliked-- loud, mean, slightly arrogant. The more I was forced to be around the boy, the less I wanted to be; however, due to my brother being his brother's best friend, I had no choice but to be around him. As each year passed, so did our dislike for one another. After just a year of knowing him, and although we argued constantly, we were best friends and were always together. The more I aged, the more I began to realize how truly incredible of a person he was. He was bright, funny, caring-- every wonderful thing you could think of. He was extraordinary, and never failed to place a smile on the face of anyone he encountered. Anytime I fell down, he was there to help me up again. He was my shoulder to cry on, the person I went to whenever I just needed to laugh. I could, and still can, say that he was my rock-- the only constant in my life.
As humans, we seemingly always ignore the concept of time. It is as though we believe we have forever and take for granted those we love. I never realized I was guilty of it until he was taken from my life so quickly. It is astonishing how unaware we are of the things we take for granted. After we lose someone so dear to us, our minds often jump to the things we failed to do instead of the things we did do. I thought of how I never once hugged him in all 12 years of our friendship. I thought of how I failed to thank him for everything he had ever done for me. I thought of how I failed to tell him just how much he meant to me and how much I loved and appreciated him. Although I knew that he was aware, how could I not be upset for never taking a moment of my time to let him know?
The day I lost him, it felt as though a huge part of myself had been torn from me. I constantly cried for months, wishing something would help ease the pain. Nothing helped, though, and I had to learn how to live with it. The truth is, when you lose someone who so greatly impacted your life, who meant more to you than words could describe, nothing in this universe could ever make it okay. I saw him around every corner, heard his name carried by every breeze. It felt like it was all a bad dream I was going to soon be awaken from yet never was. I continuously was forced to remind myself that he was not coming back from this tragedy. To know that I would never hear his laugh or see his smile ever again, aside from within my dreams, was one of the most heartbreaking realities I had ever had to come to terms with.
I do not cry nearly as much as I once did, but the pain is still present. I do not believe it ever gets better, only that one finds new ways to cope each day. It is essential we learn to accept that it is okay to not be okay, and that we will always rise up once more after each fall. Make sure your loved ones know they are loved and appreciated, even if there are arguments over silly things every day. Hug them a lot, and tell them what traits they have are your favorites. Dance badly and sing at the top of your lungs with them. Laugh at their jokes, even when they are so terrible you are faced with secondhand embarrassment. Do all of the things you love to do and more. Mainly, make sure to enjoy them and the time you have with them because life is scary and unpredictable, and we are never promised tomorrow.
