Losing someone close to you is hard no matter who it is. But losing a parent is something you can never imagine going through until it actually happens to you. They've been there since the moment you entered the world and have loved you unconditionally ever since. They raised you to be the person you are today. They've watched you grow up. They taught you how to walk, ride a bike, play soccer, drive a car and everything else. You are their pride and joy. They can't imagine life without you — and you feel the same way about them.
Picture this: you're on your annual Thanksgiving family vacation. This time, it's in Puerto Rico, your favorite place and Dad's too. Everything goes great, and you're back home now. Monday comes, back to high school! It's Tuesday now. You get up at 6:30 a.m. to get ready for school again. Your dad has lunch packed for you and $20 to put in your gas tank. He's so generous. He sends you on your way, "See you later," you say to each other. Little do you know this is the last time you'll talk to him.
Later that night I got the worst news of my life. Sixteen-year-old me has never imagined a life without the man that does everything for her. After crying all the tears that my eyes could produce, I asked myself "Why?" countless times. Why me? Why him? Why our family? Why does God take the greatest people away from us? Unfortunately, these are all the questions that will be left unanswered forever.
Dealing with the loss of a parent is the hardest thing I've ever endured. It doesn't matter what age you are when it happens to you, it is terrifying and horrible. You'll always need your parents. Going through your day without one of them is unheard of especially for a teenager. I remember one of the hardest things at first was hearing my door open because I always thought it would be my dad coming home. It never was.
There was an overwhelming amount of people reaching out when it first happened. It was obviously very sweet of them, and it showed me that I was not alone when going through the hardest thing in my life. The following week was the worst, planning the services and actually attending them. I would never want to go through that again. Seeing my grandparents and my aunts and uncles grieving the loss of their son and their brother was awful.
Every holiday after his passing has never been the same. It's supposed to be a time for family and being thankful that they are all there with you to celebrate. Father's Day is always the worst, I can only celebrate his memory. There will forever be an empty seat at the table now.
Getting back into my normal schedule of school, dance classes, work and socializing was definitely the best thing for me. It distracted me from being sad all the time. Everyone grieves differently, I chose to keep myself busy. Talking about it to trustworthy friends and family helps. Bottling up your feelings will never do you any good. Getting into healthy habits will help with coping too. Turning to drugs and alcohol is never the answer. Release endorphins through exercise and doing activities that make you feel good!
It is important to remember that time heals all wounds. No one will replace the parent you lost, and you will miss them forever. You will hold onto the memories that you have with them for dear life, never let them slip away. Look back and think about all of the great times you had together, and all of the life you shared. Grieving is difficult and it is a process. Always know that you are not alone. You will live a happy and full life and now have a guardian angel watching over you forever.
