With the new year comes a surge of new resolutions and fresh determination. Goals like weight loss, getting more sleep, or traveling are extremely common. While there's nothing wrong with those resolutions, it surprises me to see how little drive there is to grow in a way I find extraordinarily important: loving yourself. Although there is more support for body positivity and accepting more body types, millions of people still struggle to look in the mirror and like what they see.

Growing up, I was chubby, wore round, Harry-Potter-style glasses and was among thousands of children who didn't feel comfortable in their own skin. Tie that in with taunts from peers and not being a part of the "popular" crowd, and you can imagine the discomfort I felt for years. In high school, the issue transformed from dealing with verbal bullying to just a general dislike of myself. I wasn't the prettiest, the skinniest, and I definitely didn't wear all the trendy, brand-name clothes that seemed to determine my value. I didn't like what I saw when I stood in front of the mirror and constantly compared myself to others. I hardly had any confidence and it definitely showed in my mannerisms. I rarely stood up straight, I blushed when people suddenly gave me their attention, and I was constantly adjusting my clothing to avoid unflattering angles.

It wasn't until college that I began to realize my worth. I realized that my value does not lie in the number on the scale or the size of my waist. I began to appreciate myself in baby steps; liking the way my hair curled or feeling good about an essay I had written for a class. It was through these small steps that I built my confidence. I realized that my beauty isn't measured by how well I compare to the models in magazines. I realized that my worth isn't determined by how many friends I have on Facebook. I realized that I don't have to look like someone else in order love myself. I realized that I am enough. I am more than enough. My opinions matter, my voice matters, and my ideas matter simply because I matter. By learning to love myself and all that I am, it has become so much simpler to love and appreciate others. And here's another important thing I discovered in the process: acknowledging someone else's strengths do not detract from my own. It's taken me 20 years to discover all of this, but I'm so glad I finally did.

I work in an elementary school and lead a variety of different tutoring and mentoring groups for the students. This past semester I was able to lead a girl empowerment group composed of fourth and fifth graders. Through this, I was able to see just how early these girls began criticizing themselves and how damaging these judgments are. "What are girls expected to do and look like?" I asked them one day. They didn't hesitate in answering. "Girls have to be tall, pretty and skinny," one girl said. "They have to be sweet and like to wear dresses," another followed. These nine and ten-year-olds, these beautiful children who have so much potential to shine in anything they do, already felt that if they didn't look a certain way, they wouldn't be accepted. And while their answers broke my heart, I asked, "Do you think that's right? Should girls do that?" Nearly all of them vehemently shook their heads and their hands shot up to tell me about how they don't adhere to those standards. My heart was immediately glued back together.

This is where it starts. This is what I wish I would have experienced when I was their age. I wish someone would have told me, "You are incredible just the way you are. Don't let anything or anyone sway you to think otherwise. You are beautiful as you are". I have discovered that we rip ourselves to pieces with our own negative thoughts and don't give ourselves enough credit. Of course everyone has their flaws or things they don't like about themselves. That's fine. But don't think those flaws define you. What defines you is how you treat your flaws and weaknesses.

That's not to say that I think you should stay where you are and refuse to change. I think evaluating yourself is absolutely necessary to grow as a person. But it's much easier to grow and make changes when your motivation doesn't come from comparing yourself to someone else. You want to dye your hair because you think it'd accentuate your eye color? Go for it. You want to start going to the gym to create a healthy habit? Props to you. But please don't change yourself for other people. You won't find happiness that way.

So I challenge you to start appreciating yourself this year. Acknowledge your successes and how you've grown from your struggles. Appreciate those who have believed in you and remove those who have brought toxicity to your life. Love "the good" and discover how to accept "the bad". Realize your mistakes and your faults don't define you and take the lessons they present. But most importantly, love yourself because you absolutely worth loving.