Do you remember when you were little and you used to fantasize about being a Disney princess and having your Prince Charming come and save the day? Well maybe you didn't do that. Maybe you fantasized about running around in boxer briefs waving a plastic iron man toy while kickin dirt. I really don't know what you thought about, but I know that I myself was one of those of those little tots that dreamed of being a Disney Princess. I did think about actually being a Princess a lot but I thought about having a Prince come and save me even more. *insert heart eyes emoji here*

The thing is though as you get older, between media portraying the nice guys as the weaker ones and the jerks being the ones who always get the girls, seeing couples that have been together for years and years either breaking up or even worse getting a divorce, putting your trust into someone only to get let down, and just experiences you have in general, you start to believe different things. The older I have gotten the less I have had fantasies or faith about one day meeting the man of my dreams.

I used to be that girl who had her whole wedding planned and just could not wait until one day I got the honor of meeting the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and we would live happily ever after. The end.

See, the fairy tales do not show all of the nitty gritty stuff. If you do your research you will see that as the movies have evolved each of the stories have given the male character more and more lines, and in general just more of a story line. They are gradually evolving to show you the behind the scenes of what actually happens before the happily ever after. One thing I like about the movie Frozen is not only the amazing sound track but the message. Sometimes in certain situations, your true love is not your significant other it is your friends or family. At the end of the day who was it that saved Anna? Not Christof but her sister. Then at the very end Anna and Christof didn't run off and get married after just a few days of knowing each other. No, in fact they kissed and left the impression to the audience that they would one day do that again.

The reason I am mentioning all of this about the story lines of Disney princess movies it not because I just love talking about Disney (which I do but that is irrelevant), no it is because there is a meaning behind the madness The point is as we get older we evolve, just like the Disney princess movies. Ahh, see what I did there. Seriously, though!.

I will just be honest with you for a second and tell you a little bit about my experiences with this. After not only watching my parents and several other couples break up and get divorce after having the multiple experiences where I felt like my literal heart had just been ripped out of my chest, after only getting attention in a sexual way and being looked at as an object and not a person, I started to become bitter. I lost my dream to find someone one day. I genuinely started to believe, at nineteen years old, that I was not going to find someone for me. I had myself that I was just not going to get married. I am so young, there is no way I can know something like that unless I just magically grew the power to see into the future. Well, that did not happen, but if you have that power hey hit me up.

Like I just said, I became bitter. Although on the outside I acted as if I was completely accepting of not getting married or being happy, but on the inside, I was just hurt and heartbroken. Because of not only the way I was seen and treated by others, but also due to a few really bad mistakes I made, I gained the mindset that I have mentioned before. I did not think I deserved happiness. I did not think I was good enough, and that was just the bottom line. No matter how much people told me that I was wrong and I did deserve happiness, I just couldn't believe it. I could not bring myself to forgiving myself for things of the past. It was painful but I could not even do as much as pray about. Jesus had already forgiven me, but I could not forgive myself.

I am not saying I am 100% yet, but I am really working in that direction. The past few weeks between being reunited with my true church home, praying about it, writing this series, and actually finding someone worth wild I have begun the process of forgiving myself. I still struggle on a daily basis about whether or not I think that I deserve to be happy. In the back of my mind I know I do, but there is always that little voice reminding me of why I don't. That voice is Satan and his opinion is not worth anything.

I WILL strive every single day to be in the right track and to actually accept Jesus's forgiveness, and ultimately move on.

Now when I am looking at my life at this very moment I am happy. Despite having a lot of issues and serious things that have happened in just the last few days, I am still happy because at the end of the day I know that I have Jesus within me, therefore no matter what I go through I will not fail.

Guess what? I have found someone worth my time, energy, and compassion. He is probably the most amazing guy I have ever met. He treats me like a princess, and every day I question if I deserve and how I even got him in my life to begin with. We are on the same page with almost every single thing, especially the big and important things. It has only been a couple of months and that isn't too long of a time. Who knows where this could go. We could break up in a month for all I know. But there is always that possibility that I could be in the beginning stages of my happily ever after with my prince. No one really knows what may or may not happy. Now I look at everything and I am absolutely not worried about it. At the end of the day all of these experiences, the good and bad, I truly believe have helped me grow as a person. Even if me and this guy do break up in a month it will have still been worth it. Why? Because the more time has passed the more I have learned to allow myself to be vulnerable and open up my heart to somebody again.

I don't know what is going on in your life, but I do know that you should never give up hope, or more importantly your dream. Whatever your dream is hold onto it for as long as you can. It is worth it. You ARE worth it because Jesus said you were. You ARE loved and accepted and welcomed into the kingdom of God. Your Heavenly father is a king, therefore any boy or girl that may come into your life who does not treat you like the princess you are is not worth your time. Point blank period. DO not forget that. With all of this being said I will close with I hope you start to have a child's mindset again and realize you can have your happy ending. Do not give up. It is okay to experience the Prince Charming affect, it really is.