On the way home from spring break last week, my friends and I were talking about our bucket lists. I realized mine was pretty basic and ordinary. So, I took my bucket list, injected it with my patented mix of steroids and Adderall, and I created the impossible bucket list. Because if everyone else is shooting for the moon to land in the stars, then I am shooting across the universe to sing campfire songs with Paul, John, George and Ringo. So, without further ado, here is my possibly impossible bucket list that I will attempt to make possible even though the chances of completing this impossible bucket list are quite impossible.

1. Skydive into a music festival

2. Eat 10 ghost peppers while running onto hot coals in Hawaii

3. Eat an entire Great American Cookies cake to the song “Roxanne” by The Police

4. Ride an emu bareback through the Alaskan wilderness

5. Pull some James Bond shit in Morocco

6. Shave Justin Bieber's head

7. Repel down the side of the Empire State Building while listening to “I Walk The Line” by Johnny Cash

8. Reincarnate Jimi Hendrix solely to perform live at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre

9. Attend a DKE date party in Jason’s Deli

10. Go to a theme park made out of ice cream

11. Live in a naked community for 2 weeks, but be the only person clothed

12. Marry Blake Henderson from Workaholics

13. Find someone to write a novel about me. Possibly a whole series. I want to be the inspiration for the next Harry Potter.

14. Ride a moped in the Daytona 500 and get first place

15. Beat Bobby Flay on Food Network by making some bomb meatloaf

16. Become the next white female rapper

17. Backup dance for Lil Yachty’s tour in Germany

18. Have Seth Rogan narrate my life

19. Narrate Seth Rogan’s life

20. Start a business with a wild dolphin. Pay it with fish, nice objects, and dental work; it retrieves treasure from the sea for me. That’s some Little Mermaid shit right there.

Anyways, that’s my bucket list of impossible things I’m going to make possible even though the chances of completing this impossible bucket list are quite impossible! Anyone is welcome to join me in any of these adventures (all excluding #12, so sorry). It’ll be so wild and fun! If not, then you’re a piece of shit and no one likes you.

Thanks!