"How can you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself?" If you've heard this phrase, or something similar to it, just know that it is complete and utter crap. Self love is a necessary, but difficult skill that can take most people an entire lifetime to master. The most important fact about self love is that it does not rely on the opinion of others. Someone loving you has nothing to do with your love for yourself, and telling someone that they aren't worth anything unless they are happy and confident with who they are is the most backwards way of trying to fix self-esteem.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is to not value who you are. You will meet people throughout your life that will try to chip away at your self-esteem, but the second you allow others to determine your worth, you've made a step backwards. Whether they value you or they don't, leaving your self-worth up to the discretion of those around you leaves you in a vulnerable position. People come and go, and sometimes you trust the wrong ones. If you expect those around you to build up your self-esteem for you, you are sadly mistaken.
Learning how to love yourself can be a difficult journey, but it is essential to your happiness. In my experience, I have always been my hardest critic. I felt like nothing I did was ever good enough, and despite having people tell me otherwise, I genuinely did not believe them. Even now, I still struggle with this, but I actively work towards bettering myself because I know that despite how I may feel right now, I deserve my own happiness.
Some people may say that all you have to do to achieve self-worth is to simply decide that you are valuable, as if you have a "self-worth" switch you can turn on and off at will. In reality, it is a constant battle between being too critical of every little thing you do and reminding yourself that it's okay to not be perfect. You have to actively change your perspective of yourself which can be so emotionally draining that you want to give up.
An important part of self-love is always making sure to take care of your mental and physical health. Keeping up with your mental health and your physical health can help you feel more stable and confident as you won't feel so emotionally drained to the point of it physically affecting you. Set time aside where you can be alone and do whatever makes you happy. Watch your favorite movie. Take an hour long bubble bath. Go for a run. Do anything and everything you can to make yourself smile. Take a mental health day where you spend that whole 24 hours treating yo' self. The days where you're so busy that you barely have time to eat or sleep are the most important days to set aside personal time. Listen to your favorite song. Buy yourself a donut. Take the scenic route home. Self-love doesn't happen overnight, so put in the time and effort to make yourself happy.
You don't want to look back at your life and wish you hadn't spent all those years being unhappy with who you are. Take that first step today and realize that you are worth your time, your love, and your happiness.
