We all know someone in our lives who is just way too nice, and ultimately because of how nice they are they get either (a) ignored, (b) disrespected or (c) used.
I was that guy up until recently. Now that I have declared myself as having been “nice” allow me to explain.
I am not chipper and am most certainly not always pleasant. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I smiled before nine o’clock without having had a cup and half of coffee. I am also probably the first person to laugh at you if you run out of toilet paper or spill something red on your white shirt, and it goes without saying that if you trip and fall I’m probably going to take a picture and post it to my snap story.
That being said, if I were to go to a bar with a group of people I would more than likely leave the highest tip and I can confidently say that if someone ever needed me in the dead of the night I would be there, coffee in hand.
Do I deserve a medal? Yes, but not for that.
I am never not going to tip over 20 percent just like I am never not going to listen to someone during their time of need. These are not qualities I am willing to compromise about myself.
What I am going to stop doing is apologizing for things I’m not actually sorry for.
My whole life I was always told that I was going to be rewarded for saying please and thank you, and I was always told to share my toys and say “I’m sorry”, because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have any friends, and certainly wouldn’t have a significant other.
21 (almost 22) years later I have come to the realization that although my parents are rock stars and raised me with the right intentions, some things are not meant for sharing and some things you don’t have to apologize for.
For starters, never apologize for any of your insecurities or any of your scars from your past experiences. They made you who you are, and you should be proud of how far you’ve come. After all, your head is above the water and you are trying your best not to drown.
Furthermore, you have your insecurities for a reason. Whether they developed from the lessons you learned from past mistakes or possibly stemmed from a gut feeling is beside the point. You are not crazy for feeling the way you do.
People who care about you will take into consideration your insecurities and they will never make you feel crazy because being self-conscious is a very normal, human experience.
Second of all, you are who you are and your friends, family, or significant other will understand and love you anyway. People who care about you would never ask you to change.
If you watch black and white movies from the 30’s and listen to Fleetwood Mac, do that. If you would rather spend a night in to watch the entire fourth season of House of Cards, do that. If you want to write an article and display a part of yourself you normally wouldn’t, DO IT, and do it unapologetically.
Third of all never rely on someone else for your own happiness and never ever sacrifice yourself or your needs for someone else’s. It takes two for any relationship to work and it also takes two to make a relationship fail, whether it is a romantic relationship or simply just a friendship. Don’t play mind games with anyone. Be open and honest about what you want out of that particular relationship and if it ends up not working out be better, not bitter.
It may appear as though I am warding off apologies all together, and that is most definitely not the case. Accountability is important and if you mess up own it and apologize, obviously, but how often do we apologize or have to explain ourselves when there is no need to?
Why on earth would I have to explain myself, or my actions, to someone who doesn’t deserve an explanation, or for that matter even deserve to know me the way they did? Why should I apologize for living my life the way I want to live it. If I want to drink a bottle of Coppola by myself while watching Saved By the Bell reruns instead of spending forty dollars at a bar dancing to music I hate, who is to judge me?
I believe that we should put equal importance on teaching youngins to say “#?*! off” as we do when teaching them to say, “I’m sorry.”
Am I saying we should start a war every time someone tells us our breath smells bad? No, of course not, because everyone should brush their teeth twice a day.
What I am saying, though, is be the person you were supposed to be and don’t ever apologize for it. People come and people go, but as long as you know who you are and where you want to go, the right people will be there cheering you on, bottom line.
