Where has real conversation gone? So often when I ask someone how they are doing I get the, “I’m good” response. Are people genuinely “good” all the time? Because I know I’m not.
I’ll confess that I often find myself guilty of using the phrase to keep conversation short as I’m running from college class to college class. But often I realize I use "I'm good" even when I’m sitting around and wasting time. Why am I avoiding connection with people? Perhaps I'm naïve and think I'm better off doing things on my own or I'm awkward and just do not know what to say to people.
While doing homework in a lounge, I was eavesdropping on two professors arguing about this very topic. One professor was venting about his hatred of the “I’m good” phrase because he said that when he asked his students how they were doing, he honestly wanted to know. It is not just the younger generation at fault, but I feel we definitely have a major role in it. Perhaps our savviness with technology has created awkward encounters when talking face to face. Whatever the reasoning, after listening in on that conversation, I discovered that I became self-conscious of my responses throughout the day. I had not realized just how much I used the phrase.
After hearing this professor’s complaint, I tried my best to be intentional about my replies. In the beginning it was difficult trying to break my ingrained habit. There would be times when I would mutter “I’m good” and after a moment’s pause would add, “...but a little tired. I had a lot of reading for my sociology class.” It was arduous to think twice about giving sincere answers at times. Sometimes (OK, often,) I still suck at being genuine. However, I encourage you try elaborating on your responses when talking with one another.
I’m not telling you that you should be prepared to give the nitty-gritty details of your life to the woman working behind the counter at the coffee shop. But, being more purposeful in your responses actually feels good.
Start off slowly with easy changes. For example, when the women behind the counter asks you the dreaded, “How are you?” respond with, "I'm good because..." you went for a run that morning, got some extra sleep or held a furry animal. These simple details can create meaningful interactions on both ends of the conversation and force you to live in the moment instead of always visualizing your “To Do” list.
Try vamping up your responses or in some cases, stop lying to yourself about being “good” or “OK” or “fine.” Because let's face it, sometimes we are having crappy days or weeks. It is beneficial to be honest about how you are doing instead of hiding behind a smile. Pick those two or three people who you can confide in about the details of your life and for the rest, be honest that you have had better days. In fact, your honesty may even be a wake-up call for others also living behind a mask.
I encourage you to take what the professor said to heart and begin by having genuine responses to the, "How are you?" question. Just start off slow by adding because to your, "I'm good," response. I promise you won't regret it.
