"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter -- tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther... And one fine morning -- So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly, into the past." -- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The Great Gatsby"

If there is one thing I remember from my high school English class, (other than memorizing all the rhetorical devices and still earning a C for my final grade), it's how hard the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald hit home for me, especially the one that is quoted above. Now I am aware of how many different interpretations exist for that particular quote, and the many different meanings behind the green light itself. For me, however, it spoke to something else. It perfectly captured my battle with depression.

I can easily put myself in Gatsby's shoes. He lived in a beautiful mansion, all the money in the world, surrounded by interesting and exciting people, throwing massive, glamorous parties. And yet, at the end of the night, he found himself on the end of his dock, reaching towards the one thing he doesn't have. His back to all the money and people and potential and opportunity that he is surrounded with. He knows that if he could just grasp that one thing he yearns for, hold it in his arms, nothing else would matter anymore. He'd be happy; he'd be complete.

Here I stand on the end of my dock. Surrounded by money and people and potential and opportunity, yet I find myself reaching out, grasping for... something, and failing to find it. When my therapist finished shuffling through the pages and pages of my emotions (or lack thereof), and he looked up at me and told me I had depression, I was confused. It didn't make sense to me at all, because, after all, I'm surrounded by money and people and potential and opportunity. Am I really that ungrateful? I have no right to be depressed, there should be no green light for me to be reaching for, so why can't I just turn around, walk back down the dock, and into the party?

This battle with myself, and this misconception that you have to have a valid reason to be depressed is the reason I find myself writing today. The truth is, depression doesn't have to be validated. It isn't logical; there doesn't have to be a reason. It's a disorder, a brain malfunction. It isn't sad feelings, it's absolutely no feelings. If you ask a friend or loved one who's battling depression "What's wrong?" they almost always respond with "I don't know" because we don't. There may be all the love and support in the world, but at the end of the night, we still find ourselves alone at the end of that dock. Reaching out, grasping for that green light, that unknown thing that might fill the hole that grows inside of us, that orgastic future that we know exists, just not right now. For some, it's worse than others. For me, sometimes I don't even need the green light at all.

There is almost certainly someone in your life who struggles with some form of depression. Statistically, 11 percent of teens experience depression before the age of 18, and 30 percent of college students report feeling depressed. Furthermore, 50 percent of adults who have depression don't seek any form of treatment. So if you know someone or if you are someone who happens to even just occasionally feel a little depressed, try to keep just these two things in mind: It's ok to feel this way, and everybody deals with it in their own way.

Something I cannot stress enough -- If you are having regular thoughts of suicide, seek help as soon as possible. That said, for occasional depression, which is extremely common in college students and young adults, a therapist isn't always the answer. Although speaking with a therapist should always be considered, maybe just talk about it with someone you really trust, maybe just find your favorite music album, maybe just blast your way through several hours of Call of Duty on your X-box. Find your preferred method of therapy and stick with it. But whatever you do, learn from my mistake, and never feel guilty about feeling depressed. Don't beat yourself up over something you really can't control.

My therapy is the green light. It's an intangible object, a figment of my imagination, but it gives me hope that if I try harder, search closer, I can grasp it, and when I do everything will be OK again. I won't feel empty anymore. I'll remember once again how blessed I am to have such a loving family and such wonderful friends, and I'll be filled with all the happiness in the world. I'll be made whole once more. Sometimes, the light shines bright, lingering just beyond my fingertips, and other times I can barely see it through the mist on the other side of the bay.

Depression is hard. We find ourselves feeling empty, emotionless, maybe even broken. Some days are good, other worse. Some days we forget that we ever felt depressed in the first place, others we'd rather stay in bed all day and pretend the world doesn't exist. These days, though I know it may return, I find myself trending away from the darker depths of depression. Perhaps it's because I believe in the green light. The orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter, because tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther... and one fine morning.

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly, into the past.