The Frustration Of Not Being Good Enough

The Frustration Of Not Being Good Enough

Not meeting your own expectations can have a toll.
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Everyone knows what it feels like to fail. They either fail at doing something or being something. Or they're in between being good at something, but not good enough to be satisfied with themselves.

In my case, I'm in between.

I have multiple pressures in my life that keep my sanity in check, but those pressures also have the ability to relieve my brain from any thoughts and tension going on from the rest of my life. One of those pressures is running.

Running has the power to make you feel like you either rule the world or you don't belong in it. I've had days where I felt like nobody could touch me. I would be on cloud nine. Then there are days where I'm questioning my self-worth as a functioning human being. It abuses me but it rewards me. It doesn't always give me what I think I deserve, but I always hope that one day I'll get it. So I continue to press on.

On the bad days, I hate who I am. I become this self-centered negative monster that even I wouldn't want to be around. But I can't help myself. It's how I cope with it. I don't like to talk to anybody, but know it's good for me to talk to others to take my thoughts off of it. I get so invested in the negative monster inside of me that I almost like to have him there — just so that I can feel the way I want to feel.

Forcing a feeling isn't something anybody likes to do — but when your mood affects those around you, you can't help but paint a smile on your face and push the bad day down into your stomach.

I've been having a lot of bad days in running lately — something I've always been good at, but not enough to be really good at just yet. It's frustrating. That's why I cherish the good days because I'm starting to have less of them. I'm positive that if I press on, I will have them more than once in a blue moon.

Not being good enough at something is frustrating in itself — in a sense of expectation.

We expect ourselves to reach certain standards. We create these standards because we know how we function as individuals. I personally have specific goals that I want to reach because I don't expect any lower from myself. I want to make something out of myself and I'm sure many people feel this way as well.

The thing I'm learning is this: Goals aren't always met. The only person I'm disappointing is myself. And it's only hard because I care so much. The day I stop caring is the day I will quit. I guess it's as simple as that.

Cover Image Credit: Emily Miller

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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My Boyfriend Works Out Religiously And I Don’t, But He Loves Me For Me

"Hey babe, I'm headed to the gym. I'll text you when I'm done."

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I have recently changed my relationship status from, "eating ice cream alone and watching 'The Bachelor'" to "eating ice cream and watching 'The Bachelor'... with my boyfriend." I must say I am #blessed and beyond lucky to have such a loving and supportive bae.

Like every new relationship, you have to get to know each other. Their likes and dislikes. Their quirks and pet-peeves. But one of the more exciting things you get to learn, especially if you go to school with them, is how they eat and take care of themselves.

My version of "self-love" looks like sleeping in until 12:00 p.m. and having a hot cup of coffee while I curl up in bed and scroll through the 'gram. In a perfect world, I have a pastry and no responsibilities. But like the Rolling Stones once said, you can't always get what you want.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 8 a.m. every morning ready with pre-workout in one hand and a kick-ass attitude in the other. Let me tell you the Lord must have known what He was doing when He brought him into my life.

I have to say that initially, I had a lot of self-doubts when we were first together. I was worried that he wouldn't like me because I am not some fitness model on Instagram that sells protein powder for a little extra cash (I'm not salty lol). I was convinced that every time he went to the gym he would see all these fit girls and wish I was more like them.

It took me a little while to voice these concerns to him because even though I'm a comm major that doesn't mean I am a pro at communicating in a relationship. Immediately once I shared these thoughts, I knew that they were all for nothing. He instantly reassured me that what drew him to me was not my outward appearance (but he did say I'm a sight for sore eyes) but my personality and love for the Lord.

I think this is a topic of conversation that can be so important to have in a relationship. It is great to be able to communicate to one another what you appreciate and admire about each other. One thing I have learned is that you can't read the other person's mind, so you have no clue how they feel about you unless you ask or they show you.

Every woman struggles with loving the body they are given. With social media today, it is so easy to get lost in the "perfect" idea of the female figure. Ladies, there is so much more to you than looks and dress sizes. You have character, talents, passions, dreams and they all make you the woman you are today.

Find a man that will see all of those traits and unique qualities you possess and encourage them. There is nothing like being with someone that loves you for who you are, not what you look like, or how many miles you can run on the treadmill.

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