Ah, the love triangle. It’s a story line that repeats itself in hundreds of cheesy chick-flicks and trashy romance novels. We love to hate this plot structure, even though we were all gripping ferociously to our copies of Twilight, waiting to see who Bella would ultimately choose. I’m the first to admit the suspense of a good love triangle consumes me, and even if you won’t admit it, I know your heart bled a little bit for Jacob Black. However, the love triangle is dangerous. It brought catastrophe to the dating world in a way that would prove to be detrimental to the happy ending ideal. It turns even the greatest heroines into callous witches and the weakest sidekicks into wounded knights. It gave birth to the fire-breathing monster that women have been trying to slay for years.
It created the friend zone.
The love triangle typically includes three kinds of characters- The bad boy, the nice guy and the girl who doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Usually, if not always, the nice guy is swept to the side in favor of the brooding bad boy. The girl opts for a friendship with the nice guy and rides off into the sunset with her bad boy, leaving the nice guy with a wounded ego and a bitter heart. We feel bad for the nice guy, who would have probably been a good choice if he wasn’t so hopelessly boring, and we come to the conclusion that the girl is an idiot for following her heart. Why couldn’t she have ignored her feelings and picked the nice guy? He was so nice to her, and he got nothing in return! This is where the friend zone comes into play.
The friend zone was built around the notion that men deserve a reward for being decent human beings. These men are like dogs begging for a scratch behind the ears: when they ultimately don’t get what they want, they whine.
The friend zone is a figment of the male imagination that allows men to victimize themselves and shame women who don’t fall at their feet when they make a nice gesture. Women have been taking blame for their feelings, or lack thereof, for years. We buy into the friend zone ideal and let it affect the way we handle our love lives because we don’t want to be labeled as a bitch. Because of this, we find ourselves stuck in relationships with no spark or life to them, all because a guy looked at us with those lost-puppy eyes. However, when we decide not to give into those lost-puppy eyes, we are labeled as stupid, ungrateful women who clearly don’t appreciate the kindness we were shown. No one can win in situations like this. The friend zone needs to die, so let me be the one to kick it into its grave.
Fellas, let’s make one thing perfectly clear: women don’t owe you anything. You aren’t entitled to a woman’s love and affection just because you held the door open for her or comforted her while she cried over someone she actually liked. Don’t try to smother your shady agendas with faux kindness. Real kindness doesn’t come with conditions or strings attached. Here’s something to consider, gentlemen: if you think you deserve a reward for not being a jackass, you’re probably a jackass. Women are not a trading station; you can’t cash in your kindness for love. Instead of pouting about the girl who didn’t crawl into your bed when you lent her your shoulder to cry on, why don’t you wipe your eyes and focus on finding someone who will return your feelings. Only little boys cry because they didn’t get their way. Pick yourself up and walk it off, big guy.
Ladies, it’s your turn. Next time you consider bowing to a man just because he is nice to you sometimes, think about all you are missing when you settle for someone to spare them from being in the friend zone. The friend zone is holding everyone back, and it is up to us to stomp it out. Together, we can slay the fire-breathing monster and rid our world of the friend zone once and for all.
