The funny thing is I can't recall when we met or when we even became friends. But that's reassuring in a way isn't it? A beautiful fact, that our friendship was so natural. It was so long ago and distant in my memories that I can't remember it. I have so many memories with you, so many good times that I can look back upon; but it all kind of changed as we continued to grow up, didn't it?
You became my best friend, my go-to. Always so full of laughter and love, always looking out for others and giving out the best advice. I’m not sure there’s a bigger heart out there than yours. You never failed to make me feel better with your jokes. Never failed to be the very best friend I could ask for. We never even argued, I could always rely on you to be the life of the party with me. Loud and happy, just enjoying life, a ray of sunshine in other’s lives. But it all changed didn’t it? I could see the light diming, but I didn’t know how dark the tunnel was becoming for you.
My heart burned as I called her, I wonder what yours must've felt like. I wanted to make sure I could still talk to my best friend again, I wanted to make sure you would answer the phone if it rang. You had just talked to me a couple days ago, seemed surreal I might never do that again.
I hope you read this. I hope that you understand what you mean to me and this world, because I never thought I'd be okay that day. I thought you had finally made that decision irreversible. My heart beat so hard it hurt, I swear it was trying to escape my rib cage. I tried to remember the last words you spoke to me, as if that would somehow help. I'm not sure anything would ever help. I wish you understood how beautiful you are.
The sad part is that I never noticed. How you always asked if your outfit was good enough to go out in. It was as though you never thought you looked good enough. How you asked what you should say, as if you're opinion wasn’t worthy of hearing. How you always double-checked if the picture was good enough to post. As if people wouldn’t accept you, as if you were afraid of yourself. All of this cut deep, I'm unsure if it'll heal over.
I wish I could take your hand and show you how much you have impacted this world. How this world still needs you. How you aren’t only good enough, you’re perfect, because you are you. You are the one that brings in a special light into an empty room, you are the one that can pick someone up off the ground and make them feel whole again. You pick so many people up it sends you down.
I hope you read this and I hope you know how much I love you. I hope you know how much this world loves you, how empty this world would be without you. Just please don’t say goodbye, the world has just started saying hello to you.
