Some people do not understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. I like being alone. I do not like being lonely. One is a simple state of being and one is an overwhelming feeling that can send you into a sad spiral of Ben & Jerry’s and Netflix. (Both of which, when separated from loneliness, are awesome and a great way to spend a free evening.)
Just because I like to spend time by myself does not automatically mean I am lonely. It means that extended periods of time spent with large groups of people make me tired. It means that I really like to nap and watch Netflix and just do things by myself. I like the quiet. Or the not quiet. I like having my own space and not having to work to please whoever else might be around.
I don’t think that the majority of people who like spending time by themselves hate other people. We just like to be alone sometimes, and we’ve gotten a bad rap. The social stigma of spending time alone is real. The pressure to constantly be around other people all the time just to prove there isn’t something intrinsically wrong with me remains. You hear over and over, humans are social animals – we thrive on human contact and interaction. Being alone isn't natural.
I do love my friends, and I do love hanging out with other people. But that doesn’t mean I need or want to be with them every second of everyday. Sometimes a Saturday night spent with three people ends up being way better than a wild night out with a huge group. Sometimes I’d rather just stay in.
So, no - alone does not automatically mean lonely.
Conversely, loneliness is not a feeling that can only be felt when physically alone. Someone can easily feel lonely anywhere and anytime - whether they are in a huge crowd, a group of friends, or, obviously, by themselves. Loneliness can hit you out of the blue. A bout a homesickness, a memory of an old friend, or just feeling misunderstood or left out can cause someone to feel lonely. Feeling this way does not make you weak or lame or childish – it makes you human. Wanting comfort or validation or just someone to rant to is perfectly normal.
Being alone and being lonely are very different things, and they are both completely valid. Don’t let people make you think that you’re weird for staying in on the weekends or eating dinner by yourself sometimes or calling your mom every day. Just do what you want to do.
Define your own line between alone and lonely. Curl up into a ball and have a Netflix marathon. Go have lunch with your best friend. Do whatever you feel comfortable with and don’t let society dictate how you should be spending your time – or how many people you should be spending it with.
