You might have a pet peeve such as, when people click their pen and that may annoy you to no extent but imagine your brain going into sensory overdrive every time someone even clicked their pen just once to use it. That is what my every day life is like, except it's not clicking sounds that trigger a response for me. What triggers a response for me are coughs, sniffling, the sound of someone chewing food, scratching their skin and even the sound of running a bath.
When I hear those things, I become aggravated. I become a different version of myself. When my mom has a cold and coughs nonstop, I often find myself with a pillow over my face crying because if I don't cry, I'll scream. On particularly bad days, I have thoughts of violence, I contemplate the different ways I can get the sounds to stop. Then immediately after, I feel awful and guilty for thinking about harming other people. For so long I thought I was broken and that I was going to end up alone because no one wants to love a psychopath.
I found out during a therapy session one day that my problem is misophonia, which roughly translates to, "the hatred of sound." My brain can't process these sounds the same as other people's can, so it freaks out. It's commonly found in people who have anxiety, so it's often misdiagnosed as a form of OCD.
Misophonia hasn't yet been recognized as a psychiatric disease, as only around 200,000 people in the U.S. are diagnosed with it every year. That also means there's been very little research done on it and very little information available on it.
Because it's so rare, barely anyone has heard of it and immediately think sufferers are just annoyed easily or rude. People don't take it as seriously as they should. It's not some joke. It's an actual disease and it makes my life hard.
I can't avoid the sounds that trigger me because they're a normal part of life for people. I can't ask people to stop eating or ask people with colds to stop coughing. I have to suffer in silence and hope I don't fly off the handle randomly.
Treatment for misophonia ranges from therapy to making lifestyle changes. For me I was recommended to buy a white noise machine or tojust constantly have something on in my room like a fan or a radio. My therapist also recommended that I invest in earplugs to wear when I go to bed in case my mom starts coughing during the night.
So next time I'm in a room with you and you cough or sniffle and see me clench my fist or turn up a TV, don't get mad at me. Don't assume I'm annoyed with you and overall please try to show more compassion for those with misophonia and never tell us to, "get over it."
