I was always told that you will lose the ones close to you. I knew that it was possible and the thought scared me so much. No one ever wants to lose someone close to them, especially not at such a young age.
There are days when I still wonder why you are gone.
There are days where I wish I knew what was going on in your life so I could have had more time with you.
You kept so much hidden and only a few knew everything that was going on. They say you want to remember all the good days in your life, but I remember this day as if it happened yesterday. This day changed my life forever.
March 15, 2012, is a day that I will never forget. This day reminds me how much I need to be there for the ones close to me. It also reminds me that it changed me as a person at such a young age.
We were in first block and everything seemed normal. They called someone out of class but no one thought twice about it because nobody was expecting anything bad to occur. After that, our teacher left but we just thought that she was needed elsewhere. Roughly thirty minutes later, our principal walked in. No one knew what to think because we didn't know what was going on. I could tell there something wrong from the look in her eyes. When she told us she had some sad news we just expected she was telling us her plans for retirement.
However, that is when she proceeded to tell us the news. She told us that you were no longer with us. There was a moment of silence where you could hear a pencil drop. No one knew what to do or say. Soon, the crying began and once started, it was so hard to stop. No one could say a word. Truthfully, for me, there were no words that could come out. I felt so choked up and I could not breathe. Most of us stepped out of the classroom and went to the library because this is where they had everyone gather.
When I left the classroom, all I could do was bawl my eyes out. I walked throughout the halls, lost as could be because you were with us two days ago. It did not feel real and honestly, it felt like a nightmare. It did not hit me until I got into the library where mostly everyone was gathered and all I could hear were sobs. This is when I lost it - you were gone. I could not stay at school that day and a lot of people also went home… this day is known as the day when the halls went silent.
I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up and have it all be a nightmare, but it was not. My heart was so heavy and I felt like a piece of me was completely gone. My family tried to distract me but nothing could hide my pain. Your funeral is when everything hit me at once. I knew you were gone but seeing you there is when I actually had to realize that you were no longer with us.
I did not want to accept it at all and I just wanted it all to be over. I have never felt this type of sadness before… I started to feel as if I could not get out of bed. Some say it is normal to feel like this when losing someone, but I felt alone. I knew I was not alone but I felt as if I had no one.
Losing someone when you are only in eighth grade is tough… And losing someone that touched so many lives hurts you to the core. But there is a saying that I live by now since your funeral. The pastor said that you were always one to “Finish Strong” and that we have to do that for you because it would be what you wanted.
Everything I have put my mind to since then I have had the motto “Finish Strong” in the back of my head. I told myself this every day so I could get out of bed. If it was not for this saying, I probably would not be where I am today.
I still miss you so much. I would never wish the feeling I had on anyone else. You impacted my life so much within the amount of time you were here. I tell so many people about you because you brought so much laughter, happiness, and honestly comfort in my life. But there are times when I choke up talking about you.
You were not just any other friend but someone who changed me for the better, even while not being here. I may have faced some challenging times but in the back of my head I always know that you would want me to “Finish Strong”.
March 15, 2012 is the day that changed my life. The day when I realized that tomorrow is not always promised. The day when I finally felt how it was to lose someone close to me. March 15, 2012 a day that I will never forget.